


they deserved the world (and they got it)

by stainhermouthred



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Ice Dancing, Minor Becho, Octavia exists in the background, Repressed Feelings, Smut, Therapy, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Wells lives, a few OCs - Freeform, figure skating, minor Flarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-09-21 12:15:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17043563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stainhermouthred/pseuds/stainhermouthred
Summary: They used to talk in hushed tones during  hours and hours of driving from their hometown for the training week in another city.What if they made the Olympics and became the youngest ice dancers to compete.akaMarcus pairs Bellamy and Clarke up when they're children and set them up on their path towards Olympic title.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi :)  
> So it's been a few years I guess. Who knew med school would kick my ass. (The answer is: I should've known)
> 
> This fic is me trying to get back to writing because my english is suffering bc I don't use it all that much lately. 
> 
> I don't consider this to be good and nevertheless I am proud of it because I got to threw out my frustration on the story. 
> 
> Story is not exactly mine and by that I mean, it's heavily based on rl ice dancers and rumours about them. There are differences obviously but not as much as I would like.  
> (Ice dancers are virtue and moir and literally none of the relationship stuff happened. Even rn there are happily NOT together.) 
> 
> Im also not sure with the format but at least i can promise that the story is finished (i mean I am working other years but im not kidding myself, uni is starting soon) so 2 more chapters will be up this month. No more multichapters for me 😅
> 
> (For some reason I'm nervous to post this. Mostly becasue it was not supposed to be published. It was supposed to be an outlet and an excercise in writing.) 
> 
>  
> 
> Thats it from me, enjoy :)

_2010_

_„Let’s make it count” Bellamy whispered into Clarke’s carefully pinned hair as they skated slowly towards the middle of the arena and waited for their name to be announced._

_She was smiling and gazing at him lovingly with big blue eyes. Clarke could feel the love  radiating off him. At each other, at the audience - drawing all these people into their seemingly private moment._

_They took their positions and when the soft tones of the piano started – they made everyone fall in love with them and their love._

***

1997

They met when she was seven and he was nine.

Her family hosted an ice skating camp every year for kids so they could learn the basic skating and some tricks. And then if they were interested Jake Griffin and Marcus Kane could teach them more. And yet even though it was basically in her own backyard - she has never been to the camp before. Usually, at the time, she left to participate in ballroom workshops with Wells. Her partner. Except for that year. Her workshop got cancelled at the last minute and she was left with nothing to do and a lot free time.

Since it was literally in her backyard, she decided to skate. Wells, despite her desperate pleading, didn’t want to go with her even though she swore there was a thing called ice dance.

“We could dance together!” she exclaimed but all she got in response was  a frown.

“We could get injured and we have competition season. We can’t risk it” he said primly and she pursed her lips and huffed out a breath.

“Fine. I am going. You don’t have to”

She knew how to skate and always loved it, how could she not. Her mother and Marcus Kane used to compete together. After a good career they have retired and Abby married Jake but skating was still  in her blood. And if it wasn’t inside her then it was because  Jake and Abby started taking her to the rink once she was old enough to walk.

The camp itself was something  she noticed but didn’t paid particular attention too because she was always busy, always away. It was nice, with a lot of new people, she could make friends which hadn’t been easy before because of her busy schedule. Honestly her closest friend was Wells and while she loved him it was a little sad. And if not friends then Marcus promised he would teach her new jumps, it was enough to get her excited.

During the camp she noticed _him_ a lot.

He was small with mischievous smile on his lips and dark hair that seemed to stick in every direction. Every girl seemed enamored with him even though his favourite pastime seemed to be playing pranks on them. Clarke liked to believe that she was above all of it but she found herself smiling at the sight of him or giggling with her new found friends.

Or Wells but he didn’t like it when she talked about _a boy._ He liked it even less when she talked about watching _him_ dancing what looked like waltz on ice with Gina instead of perfecting her spins. She didn’t necessarily wanted to ice dance but she was curious. How would it be to have a partner.

 

She got her wish by the end of the month.

The rink was full of kids trying to make a double axel with Clarke standing in the centre, always loving the spotlight, executing a jump after jump with determination she liked to dedicate only to dancing.

She was going for another when Marcus skated to her with the boy behind him. The boy. Suddenly she felt her confidence falter a little and shuffled her feet nervously when Marcus spoke with a warm smile:

“Clarke, sweetheart, we have a request for you?”

Her head tilted towards them curiously as he continued:

“Gina decided to quit and Bellamy needs a partner, would you like to try skating with him?”

It was like she lost her ability to speak completely - shyness overwhelming her. The only response she could master was a nod and a small smile.

Bellamy looked at her with what seemed to be a forced smile and impatience written all over his face, nevertheless he held out his hand to her.

And then they started.

It was weird, being wary of each other, finding the rhythm, holding hands. Trying not to yank on his hand angrily when he was going too fast. It was slow and awkward for a very long time. Few times she noticed that he wanted to speak but then the shyness got back and she dropped her eyes to the ice effectively preventing the conversation.

They didn’t speak as they circled the rink, just glided together hand in hand.

 

**

_2009_

_“Now Griffin and Blake, they seem to be our best chance for Olympic gold” the journalist chattered excitedly “Are you proud?”_

_“Of course” Abby said smiling widely “Figure skating is something that runs in our family”_

_“What about her injury?”_

_“I believe my daughter already addressed it, I don’t see how I can add anything”_

_“Well then, do you believe that they will do what you and Marcus could not? Become the Olympics champions?”_

_“Yes.”_

_**_

1998

Years later Marcus would say that he’d seen the greatness in them since the first time they danced together. Older Clarke thought it was bullshit – they were small and awkward and didn’t speak to each other in the first year because she too shy to open her mouth. Their hands were sweaty and Bellamy screwed up the step sequence in their first competition.

There was nothing great about them. Or maybe there was. Marcus kept whispering to other adults at the camp how Bellamy was a natural talent and how she was good but needed to work a bit harder. Maybe she wasn’t a prodigy like him but she was competitive and ambitious and if she needed to work harder then she would. They were going to be great together, she would push herself until it was possible.

At next competition his edges were fantastic but she noticed his face going blank as it did the  last time before the step sequence so she murmured his part under her breath.

He glanced at her quickly, breaking character for just  a second, with wide eyes and a slight frown but listened and they placed first. On the podium, they were the smallest participants, the silver and bronze medallists towering over them even though their podium was the highest. The medal was heavy on her chest and all that time Bellamy held  her hand in his tightly, squeezing gratefully.

Grins didn’t leave their faces. Although out of all of them Marcus was the only one who looked ready to cry and Clarke couldn’t understand what made him so emotional.

“I’m so proud of you”  he said the second they got out of the rink and hugged them both way too tightly. Clarke scrunched her nose and made a face at Bellamy and he rolled his eyes, patting Marcus on the back awkwardly until he let them go to make a phone call.

They were eight and ten when they won their first medal and finally started talking to each other like normal people.

Marcus was taking a lot of time talking on the phone with someone so they climbed into the backseat of the car and waited for him. Somehow her hand drifted to the medal still hanging on her neck and she watched the skate engraved in it with fascination.

“Clarke” she looked up to see Bellamy smiling at her softly. “Thank you”

The confusion must have been clear on her face because he reached out with his hand to touch hers and squeeze it lightly before clarifying “For the steps”

“Oh” she blushed again and it was beginning to annoy her, she held his hand every day for a year now “It’s nothing” she shrugged with her eyes focused on the spot just behind his head because she was still _shy_.

Normally they would stare at their own windows listening to the radio but her heart was drumming in her chest and  she could feel the excitement of the competition pulse underneath her skin. They won.

“Did Marcus actually cry in the Kiss and Cry?” she heard him and turned.

“There was one lonely tear on his cheek Bellamy. Don’t mock him” her voice was so solemn and way too serious than the situation called for. Her partner looked at her with confusion written all over him and she managed to keep a straight face for only a moment longer before dissolving into a loud laugh.

They mocked their mentor until he got back inside the car and ran the engine shooting them suspicious glares when they kept whispering and giggling behind his back.  

At the beginning, their talks were about nothing person just casual shit-talking.

He laughed at her being tiny but so was he. They were the smallest out of their competition, no one even noticed them.

They laughed at some girls trying desperately to catch his attention at the camp, Clarke pretending that she wasn’t one of them or that she didn’t feel just a little smug that she had him.

They nagged Marcus about his weird emotional attachment. It was nice. Talking and laughing. Light in a way that didn’t hold a tone of expectation as did her every conversation with Wells about dance. They were just Bellamy and Clarke, skating partners.

 

By the end of the week Wells came over with his father. While her parents and Jaha were talking in the living room, he and Clarke sneaked up the stairs to her bedroom. Excited she walked to her very white and very messy desk, and took her brand new medal showing it to her friend and grinning proudly. The rest of her medals was hanging on her wall but they were from ballroom, that one deserved its own place..

“They were all older, Wells! And we beat them, Bellamy and I!” she was chatting quickly with smile so wide that her cheeks were hurting but she couldn’t help herself.

“I’m proud of you, maybe you can take it with you when we move to Toronto” Wells said politely smiling at her excitement.

“Why would we move to Toronto?” her eyes were wide and bewildered, lips still laughing.

Suddenly her friend seemed to come alive:

“Well, _partner_ , my dad got one of the famous trainers and choreographers to come and watch few of our competitions. Few of many we won” he looked pointedly at the one medal in ice dance she had and gave her a tight lipped smile for that second before continuing “He wants us to enrol to his school and train us. Says we could be real stars one day.” his eyes were so big  and so hopeful.

Clarke stared at him with open mouth emotions running high in her small body. What an amazing opportunity, she knew that. And yet there was one nagging question:

“What about Bellamy? And skating?”

“Clarke… It was only for the summer” Well said gently and she felt anger grow inside her but shut it down like her mother told her. She was supposed to be calm and ladylike.

“When do we have to answer?”

“Clarke”

“When?”

“Next month. Or rather, next month we go for a trial two weeks and he decides if he wants us for sure.”

“Okay”

“Clarke you’re not seriously considering saying no, are you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s talk about the waltz we should be perfecting”

Wells tried to get her to talk about it more but she was stubborn. They moved to the centre of her too big room and started mapping out the steps from their past competition. One time they walked into her skates that were put hazardly next to her bed and she could swear Wells frowned at that. She knew he was thinking about her answer but it was the truth.

She loved Wells and dancing but she really didn’t want to leave Bellamy.

Or skating.

 

Next morning Clarke was at the rink waiting for Bell. Marcus was giving her strange looks adjusting his jacket almost uncomfortably and opening his mouth several times to speak  but every time he tried, she did the most mature thing she could think off and skated away. After the third try he seemed to get the hint.

She didn’t tell Bellamy at first.

Because it was so good between them. They were talking and laughing and chasing each other. He told her that he started ice dance because he wanted to be a better hockey player but jokes on him he turned out to be a shit hockey player and an okay dancer. She looked at him scandalized when he swore and he bopped her nose and laughed.  

Few days later she told him that she was training dance with mayor’s son and that they won a lot of competitions to which he replied that obviously he knew that and now he had to keep up with getting her medals.

Apparently he had a sister, Octavia, who was just learning how to skate.

They both did singles in their free time so in breaks between yet another pattern dance they competed with each other. Or rather, he did a double axel and she couldn’t just let him have that.

 

One day he took her to carnival and gave her a stolen flower and her first kiss.

It was soft little peck on the cheek and she blushed red.

 

Everything was so good and suddenly she was leaving the next day and he had to know. Clarke waited till they’ve finished their waltz pattern and were ready to call it a day. They were cooling down, skating hand in hand around the rink when she blurted out:

“I’m going to be gone for two weeks, I’m going to Toronto” words left her mouth at record speed and he turned his head to her his eyebrows raised.

“You’re taking vacation from your vacation, Princess?”

His voice was teasing and it only made her tenser.

“I’m going for a try out two weeks at the dance school in Polis, Bell”

He let go of her hand immediately and it hurt her more than she’d like to admit. His jaw was clenched and she could swear his hand balled into a fist for a moment.

“And you’re telling me this now?” he spat out looking at her with eyes darker that she’s ever seen in him.

“I wanted to…” Clarke started but he let out a hollow laugh.

“Wanted to what? Waste my fucking time?” there seemed to be some satisfaction in his face when she flinched back.

Before she could come up with something  to say he was skating away saying loudly:

“Can’t believe I’ve wasted a year on a princess of all people”

“What you’re just gonna leave?” she yelled.

“Fuck yes, just like you’re doing” he shouted back. Marcus scolded him for swearing but he just left the ice not looking back, her mentor’s eyes turned to her and there was disapproval there.

It was like another stab in her little heart.

 

She left with Wells in the morning

Clarke grew up with him, they started dancing together as soon as they could walk. Jaha and Abby were pushing them to be better and to train and enter competitions from ridiculously young age. And it was easy to have her life directed. Abby said Clarke was naturally musical and talented dancer who worked hard which was desired in every company. And Wells, talented and equally hard working but too focused on just winning, that’s what was expected of him. More medals while Clarke let herself just enjoy movement instead of succumbing to the constant pressure. She also didn’t feel like she had to try very hard to keep up with him. They _were_ equals.

She still pushed herself when the teacher told her it was not enough and dancing was fun. She loved it. The coaches seemed actually impressed with the both of them. It was amazing but she missed home. Somehow she seemed to be more homesick than Wells and he couldn’t understand why. She didn’t want to tell him that there was something missing for her. She missed Bellamy and his dedication, his power of move. Him making her laugh. She felt better working herself to the ground to match her partner. _Her skating partner_ she corrected herself in her head.

 

First time she stepped onto the ice after weeks of just dancing she was wobbly and unsteady. She tried doing twizzles but lost her balance on the second one and fell down hard, bruising immediately. Clarke knew that it was muscle memory that had to come back to her but she still cursed like a sailor sitting at the centre ice glaring at her skates.

“You’re too young to know words like that”

She looked up to see messy hair and a sheepish grin on Bellamy’s face.

“I think I learned them from you actually” she deadpanned.

“Exactly, you’re too young.” he gave her his arm and helped her up quickly.

“Hi” she smiled at him warmly.

“Hey” his own smile was forced now but at least he was trying. “Clarke listen… sorry for how I acted before you left. It wasn’t right.”

“It’s okay. You’re forgiven” she shrugged.

“So… are you leaving for good? With your partner?”

“I’m not sure yet” she said in a small voice but brightened up immediately. “Come on, _partner,_ let’s see if I remember the steps.”

 

**

_2008_

_“You know it would never have happened if you with just left” his voice was quiet and he was avoiding her eyes as he spoke. Wells kept making comments like that for years now. Little jabs in the sea of congratulations and support. But there was nothing to congratulate on today only pain and disappointment and anger. “I would never just leave you.” like you left me the accusation was so clear in his voice and it wasn't fair she was just a kid and it's not like she ruined his life._

_They were sitting in her room, she in bed and he was playing around with her crutches._

_“He has a chance at Olympic gold” she said slowly, her voice breathy. “I don’t blame him”_

_“Yeah you do. And he deserves it”_

_“I’m the one who failed him Wells.” her eyes were glassy and tears spilled of them._

_“But he’s the one who cut you out of his life.”_

 

Clarke was nine years old when the letter came and she said no.

Everything was perfect.

She could do something she loved and she didn’t have to move away from home.

 

**

2003

At thirteen years old Clarke decided that the universe was evidently making fun of her.

She was currently _in a different city_ training with a coach who would _make them better._ She was moving out for _her partner._ And after she gave up dance four years ago for this - their new coach told them that they would be required to attend both some ballet and ballroom.

If fate was a person it would laugh in her face. It also turned out that Marcus Kane was the son of the famous coach - Vera Kane.

Despite what her family was saying there was no regret in her about her choice - they were better than ever. There was still work to be done and next season they are debuting in junior grand prix season.

She still wasn’t convinced that moving out while they were still teenagers with raging hormones was the best idea.

The thought came to her someday during a screaming match with Bellamy amongst _all the other teams_ because you were never alone in the rink. It started innocently. She hadn’t hit the right edge, he forgot the steps and she reminded him which pissed him off because he was a teenage boy and apparently it was humiliating.

So they went off.

“You don’t have to do that every fucking time!” he yelled and she grimaced at the swear word. The other training teams were looking at them with irritation but all she could focus was Bellamy’s brown eyes burning with anger. At something so stupid she would laugh if the desire to choke him to death wasn’t stronger.

“Would you rather stop every time you can’t remember a step?” her voice was clipped and deadly calm.

“Well at least I can focus on the goddamn technique!”

“You are such a dick, I was trying to help, not to be a bitch”

“Well congratulation you failed, Wells got tired of your attitude?”

“Don’t you talk about Wells”

“Why not, you could be with him right now!”

“Fuck off Bellamy”

“BLAKE AND GRIFFIN OFF THE ICE. THE REST OF YOU STOP STARING AND START MOVING.” Vera Kane’s voice thundered over the rink. In the corner of her eye Clarke noticed Miller - one of their friends here, snickering. He would ask all about the lecture they were about to get because he was too nosy for his own good in her opinion. Sighing quietly she stopped focusing on Miller and instead payed attention to the woman in front of them as they stepped out of the rink.

Vera Kane was small and quite old with a face that made people believe that she would never even reprimand anyone. Bellamy and Clarke knew better though so they followed her to her coach box glaring at each other the whole time.

There wasn’t much in the coach’s place, Vera had a proper office upstairs but it was enough room for a desk overflowing with protocols and notebooks as well as two simple chairs which she gestured them to sit on.

She stood in front of them and looked like she tried really hard not to yell despite her otherwise gentle nature. Clarke watched her, committing her to memory - grey hair pulled back in a loose braid, black sweater and some worn jeans as well as boots that were stomping out some rhythm known only to her as she seemed to be mincing words to say to her newest students.

They were sitting there awkwardly for a good five minutes until Vera finally spoke:

“First rule of partnership that I taught you two, Clarke, would you like to remind us?” her voice was very calm and warm and it made Clarke both feel guilty and want to rip her own hair out simultaneously.

“Don’t call each other names”

“Why?”

“Because our achievements depend on our partnership so we need to work on it.”

“Mhm. Bellamy? What did I say about bringing up sour memories?”

“They’re in the past and unless they have impact on our future leave them in the past”

“Such good students I have” Vera smiled at them. “You understand that I want you to do great, right? I don’t do it just so I have peace in my rink. Although I wouldn’t mind that. You’re going to be amazing but like it or not, you are ice dancers. a team. A unit. Judges won’t like you much even if you’re the best in the world if you can’t talk to each other without biting your heads off.”  Both looked up at her guiltily as she continued “Five minutes to hash it out and then you come back and skate that pattern cleanly and without yelling, you hear me?”

They nodded and waited for the door behind her to shut before turning to each other. They’ve been together for years now, it shouldn’t be that difficult to talk.  

“I’m sorry for calling you a dick” she said at the same time as he did: “Sorry for getting angry”

She laughed quietly.

“Why are you getting so angry when I tell you the steps?” she asked after a moment while her fingers played with the hem of her shirt.

“Because you shouldn’t have to do that. I’m angry at myself” he shrugged.

“All the time? And why are you suddenly keeping distance when we dance? Did I do something?” her voice got a little high at the end there betraying her anxiety at the subject.

The response was not what she had expected. She has never seen Bellamy blush, not like that. usually she was burning, and right then even his ears were flushed red.

“That might be a question for your mom, you know, kid. I’m not explaining this, no way” while his answer didn't help her understand anything, the intense avoidance of her eyes clued her in.

Oh.

“Is it because you get ha…”

“We are not talking about this” he said even louder and got even more red. “Let’s just… go”

Their compulsory dance went great that year and they worked so hard on effective communication to be what Vera predicted. The best.

 

A year later , one of the best coaches in ice dance in the world, approached them. That's when Clarke once again thought about how universe was just laughing in their faces. But maybe, just maybe, she didn’t mind.

Bellamy and her used to talk in hushed tones during  hours and hours of driving from their hometown for the training week in another city.

What if they made the Olympics and became the youngest ice dancers to go to Turin. Clarke was sure that both of them as well as the rest of the world would remember that moment for the rest of their lives. And now? With Rhonda as their coach now these dreams has stopped and changed into an actual plan. They were excited and ready.

 

Rhonda was not gentle, kind hearted Vera. Quite the opposite.

She was barely over fifty years old with raven black hair and piercing blue eyes that seemed almost too bright and more often than not were squinted with disapproval as she yelled at her skaters. She wore flowy cardigans - ridiculous on ice, and had a partner that was leading the school with her - Sergei.

Thick Russian accent was laced into their words and it was a little unsettling especially when she was looking Bellamy and Clarke straight in the eyes announcing flatly that they are no longer a girl and a boy on the ice but a man and a woman since they want to senior soon and they should start acting accordingly.

 

**

2005

Their life were full of Rhonda's yelling and Sergei's drillings of patterns and technical elements.

Bellamy keep your extensions.

Clarke deeper knees.

Gain more muscles.

Lose more weight.

Deeper edges.

Lines.

Closer.

Deeper.

More.

Clarke had nightmares starring Sergei and his measuring tape as well as Rhonda's screeching that Bellamy and her needed to look like they wanted to devour each other. It wasn't that easy.

She used to have a huge crush on him, full with butterflies in her stomach and shyness overwhelming her in the least convenient moments but it passed some time during their work with Vera. They spent so many hours together training and holding hands, Clarke thought it was only natural that all of it lost its appeal. Besides watching someone stuff their face as they were twelve or do some gross competitions with Miller that only boys could come up with tempered her crush after a while. Instead they got really close, best friends. The crushed flared up sometimes but it was nothing she couldn’t handle. And then Bellamy used to joke that since he was supposed to take care of her in new country then it's like he got another younger sister.

The comparison came back to her when Rhonda was yelling “More passion, it's  paso doble not a middle school dance!”

At that moment she wasn't sure which one of them regretted that ‘sister’ comment more.

“More passion” Clarke parroted annoyed. “What does she want us to do? Make out centre ice? In juniors competition?” she took starting position with her chin high and as much smoulder on her face as she could master.

“I'm game if you are” murmured Bellamy through his teeth as they started. She doubted many would understand what he said exactly but they've been skating the same programs for a whole year usually. They learned to talk through their skates while smiling wildly at the audience to stay focused. And they were good at it too, so far Rhonda only yelled at them once for chatting during their free dance.

“Cooties” Clarke mocked and scrunched up her nose slightly before bringing back her _very serious very passionate expression_.

“We're too old for that, princess” his hand moved with intent over her back and she shivered.

They focused on the pattern and changes of edges. Overall Clarke didn't exactly mind that compulsory. It was demanding and intense which they enjoyed but unfortunately  it also made Rhonda  sound like a broken record..

“Clarke, could you maybe move like you like him?” Rhonda mocked, her lips pressed into a tight line. “Look at him, he's handsome, yes? He has a girlfriend he has to have something worthwhile in him” Bellamy coughed really loudly behind her and she kicked him lightly for the theatrics while Rhonda continued “I want to see the desire there. Clarke act like a woman ready to steal that poor girl's man”

She very much doubted that she would survive Echo's rage if she tried anything with Bellamy. The girl looked ready to kill her just for dancing with her boyfriend.

The coach shoo-ed them back on the ice and the music started again.

“We're at the point of bringing out our private lives, great” she hissed. She moved and really tried to be deliberate in her movements but all she felt was clumsiness in her limbs at these kind of touches.

“Better question is how does she even know that. Is she spying on us or something?” Bellamy half snorted as he led her.

“Probably” Clarke deadpanned.

They ended the day with  pissed off Rhonda and frankly pissed off Clarke. She had ton of homework, couldn't eat her normal dinner because she stopped losing weight this month according to Sergei and that needed to be remedied.

The other problem was, somehow while being in the new skating school, she still didn't manage to make any friends. Mostly because every girl seemed wary of each other as if they would backstab the other easily.

And then she was still in high school while Bellamy decided to finish his online. The additional interaction with people who didn't like her at all because she didn't share their interests, actually wanted to do well at school and was never available for after school hang outs because of training.

To be honest even her relationship with Bellamy was not as intense as it used to be. No longer hanging out after trainings because they would murder each other. He still drove her to the shops and back home sometimes but most of the time he was out socializing with people from the rink or his girlfriend who he had met at one of the competitions.

He seemed to be fast friends with Murphy and Emori, and Evan- single skater.  There was also a new couple like her and Bell in the rink. Finn and Glass transferred too. They were a little bit older and from another country but fiercely competitive.

Clarke liked them both in a detached way but mostly it was wariness that occupied her thoughts concerning the pair. Rhonda liked to compare to keep them going. Bellamy got some kind of kick the second she mentioned that Finn did something he was having trouble with. And Clarke and Glass? The brunette was slim and light and flowed across the ice. Clarke had speed but no lightness apparently.

The worst part?

The two teams spent _so much time_ together Rhonda didn't really have to say a word, they measured their results against each other without prompting.

Their first junior grand prix event of the season was in Austria and Clarke was a little glad that Glass also had trouble playing the seductress in the compulsory.

Although she suspected it wasn't entirely her fault. When Clarke danced with Bellamy they were completely focused on each other and Finn sometimes just didn't seem interested enough in the dance or even Glass.

Despite the other team also having troubles, she was still stressed out.

The morning before their first dance she ran out from dry land practice with Bellamy to throw up. Her breakfast landed in the toilet and then she just dry heaved for a moment before getting up all gross with sweat and taste of acid in her mouth.

Opening the bathroom door she almost bumped into Bellamy with a frown and worried eyes. He handed her the cup with water, she swallowed it down gratefully.

“Are you okay? Are you coming down with something?”

“Nerves” she murmured between mouthfuls of water. She should probably slow down. His hand landed on her shoulder and moved up to her neck, stroking her skin.

“Why? We did Grand Prix before. What's so different this time?”

“Turin?” she whispered. “And we need monumentum to be seniors next year. And I should be another few pounds lighter but I ate chocolate” Bellamy looked like he'd really liked to help but couldn't find the words so she took a deep breath and smiled “I'm okay now, let's go”

By Turin she meant the Olympics in 2006. The Olympics that they had hoped to qualify for but didn't because they were stupidly young and didn't go senior soon enough. The whole thing left bitter taste in her mouth and she realized that Bellamy was feeling the same. And the only thing they could do was work hard enough to make it to Vancouver in 2010. And win the gold.

They repeated the pattern as best as they could on the floor and then took a short break to talk to Rhonda and going to the hotel for their costumes.

When their name were announced she felt her stomach do the flip again but Bellamy was right there with her and squeezed her hand to comfort her. He was there for her. Always.

This was the first time she actually managed to channel some of the passion for the man himself and their scores were so good.

They weren't first or second but that was a better start of the season than they had so far. She grinned at him in Kiss and Cry and he gripped her knee the entire time, excited.

The next day it was time for original dance. She woke up at an ungodly hour and was looking for coffee before she had go for a practice when she noticed Finn going her way. Both him and Glass had the same Grand Prix event as them but she tried to steer clear of them. Until now apparently.

“Hey, princess”

She looked up from her untouched cup to see her rival smiling at her with confidently with his flowing dark fair and perfect white smile, granting her with his presence. However handsome he might be - she was ready to ignore it for the sake of her hot coffee.  But her image was already seen as antisocial weirdo and while she didn't mind being on her own it wouldn't hurt to engage once in a while. The very fact that she was considering an interaction showed how withdrawn she was.

“Hi”

“Nice pattern yesterday, never expected you two to nail that” he gave her and even bigger smile full of teeth and confidence and she felt defensive. Glass and Finn were 3rd after the CD while they were 4th. He was gloating, asshole.

“If you were impressed by that just wait for tomorrow when we actually beat you” she smiled sweetly and he gave a short laugh.

“Can't wait” he almost purred and leaned in. “I wasn't teasing. You were fantastic yesterday. Never seen this side of you”  Finn was so close he could probably feel the heat of her cup despite herself she felt the heat rising in her cheeks.

“Thank you” she breathed.

“Princess!” she heard Bellamy's yelling behind her and jumped startled spilling the contents of her cup on Finn and herself.

“Shit” she cursed mourning the loss of her coffee “So sorry” she threw Finn's way. “What asshole. Ugh. I am so sorry, Finn” she said again this time looking at him and giving an apologetic smile.

“It's fine” he assured but his smile was gone and he was obviously irritated. “I'll go change. I'll see you around Clarke”

He turned around and left leaving Clarke wet with wasted coffee and confused head.

“What did he want?” Bellamy asked lightly when finally came to stand next to her. He was chewing on an apple. With an open mouth, it was such an annoying habit and she couldn't get him to stop.

“Doesn't matter since I just spilled my drink on him” she answered grumpily and he actually beamed at her, what a dick. Not that she would say that out loud to him, they had it drilled into then not to call each other names even though she wanted to sometimes.

“Ah come on Princess!”

“You're the one who startled me” she poked him in the chest. A yawn escaped her when she patted his shoulder awkwardly. “I've gotta go change in something without coffee stains”

Clarke gave one last longing look for her now empty cup before putting it away and dragging her feet to the elevator. She wondered if mourning a hot beverage would be dramatic. Because she did not have time to change and have another. Skipping breakfast was one thing - she was so nervous she'd rather not have anything in  her stomach.

But coffee?

She could cry.

Her hotel room was cozy and generic. Beige walls and white sheets on the bed in the centre of the room. The built in closet full of her competition costumes, workout gear and fancy clothes for the banquet.

She supposed she could just change into training clothes already. Groaning because it was early and the bed was _right_ there.

She pulled her Canada's hoodie off, followed by her jeans before going to the closet in her simple black underwear and selecting her clothes. The only thing she managed to put on were leggins when loud knocking interrupted her.

_This better be important._

Her mood was getting dramatically worse and she stomped to the beautiful white door and pulled it wide open annoyed and not caring one bit that she was only in pants and a bra.

“Oh God, Clarke” Bellamy closed his eyes and additionally covered his eyes with his arm holding a  cup in another. With a cappuccino.

She was salivating. “Are you decent?”

“Is that…” she started but he took away his hand and opened his eyes scowling at her for standing still.

“Get inside, Jesus” he pushed her inside and shut the door.  “Could you please put on a shirt?”

She pouted still eyeing the cup.

“Yes, it's for you.” he was keeping the cup up so his short partner couldn't reach and with his eyes on the ceiling. Probably because she was too _young_ and remembering Marcus words about keeping their eyes and hands off the _no-no parts_ on each other bodies.

“I'm decent now, you can give me my coffee now”

Clarke looked at him dressed in her black outfit as he seemed almost relieved to see her shirt. _Weirdo._

Weirdo who gave her coffee.

Sometimes she appreciated her partner in a completely new way.

“So what did Finn want?” he asked casually plopping down on her bed messing up her sheets.

“Did you bring me coffee just so you could be nosy about my conversation with Finn?”

“No, that's because you didn't get your coffee and I'd like my partner to be in a good mood today” he grinned.

Clarke smiled at him. “He said he liked our dance. And that he'd never seen this side of me”

“So typical mind games?”

“I guess. He seemed genuine.” Clarke shrugged.

“He was hitting on you” Bellamy deadpanned.

“Don’t be ridiculous, we’re rivals.”

“I didn’t say he’s in love with you, I said he was hitting on you”

He didn’t seem too pleased at the idea.

“I thought you liked Finn” Clarke was gathering her curls into a ponytail and putting minimal make up on. She hated make up for training but appearance is everything in their discipline.

“I like Finn. As a person who shares the same rink. I have some respect because they did beat us in the pattern. I hate that he tries to distract you to win.”

She turned to him sharply. “I’m not…” she took a deliberate breath. “I won’t be distracted. You don’t have to worry about that Bell.”

“I know” he said simply and got up from her bed and standing in front of her to squeeze her shoulder quickly before leaving, shutting her door loudly making her curse under her breath. She was picking up his bad habits.

 

The rest of the competition went quite well and they did beat Finn and Glass in the end, earning the first place and them second and it felt good to look down at them and if Bellamy's hand fierce on her waist was anything to go by, he felt just as satisfied.

After that event Finn started finding her during training hours.

He didn’t seem afraid of Bellamy’s glare when he came to chat with her during breaks and if Clarke was being completely honest he was sweet. And then unlike Bellamy - Glass didn't really seem that interested it whatever her partner was doing.

And Finn…He was suddenly everywhere, picking her up from school curious about her classes and her host family. Asking to show him her _drawings_ when she slipped that she liked doing it.

His attentiveness and sweetness was something she enjoyed so much especially considering her previous loneliness. Bellamy wasn't thrilled but it didn't affect his friendship with him so Clarke suspected he would get over it.

So she welcomed Finn’s affection. And if she started looking forward to meeting him, then sue her. But then there was the whole thing with Turin eating her up. She and Bell didn't qualify but they were in a _reserve team_ somehow which somehow sounded even worse. She had never hated the expression more and logically she knew that was it and they should move on. And yet the closer to the actual Olympics it was, the worse she felt. She still gave one hundred percent in training, it still wasn’t enough. Bellamy was working equally hard and they were improving yes but it was too late. The teams were chosen already.

Finn was sympathetic and kept saying words how they still had 2010 but he wouldn't understand. His country had enough athletes that he wasn’t even close to be drawn to the Olympics. At some point when he was stroking her cheek while _talking_ she kissed him so he would stop. They both were dancing around it for a while anyway, it was as good time as ever.

His kisses were nice, slow and affectionate, hand moving down her arm and gripping her waist pressing her close. He smelt like sandalwood and soap, so good. She felt adored and she gave as good as she got. It was nice to be wanted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT.  
> They're hormonal teenagers and bullshit their way through life.  
> I was going to spread out the updates and do one weekly or something but whatever.  
> Thank you for your nice comment ;)  
> Also check out vm - Valse Triste  
> and then Umbrellas of Cherbourg  
> (Compartment Syndrome is a condition which results in insufficient blood supply to tissue within the space it affects. Symptoms include numbness and pain.)  
> I don't exactly know when it started in vm's case but I do know that she had surgery in 2008 so there is your fact of the day that was officially revealed by them. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

Bellamy didn't notice the change at the beginning, she was more energetic in training which he attributed to their win in Austria,

She was flirting with him on ice more than usual and that was probably why he still didn't figure it out.

They were trying a new opening with his face buried in her neck when he discovered the hickey Finn had given her the night before. She was running late and didn't cover it correctly. He brushed his fingers against it delicately and she shiver as it tickled her skin.

“Tell me it's someone I don't know and not Collins” he murmured his hot breath hitting her ear.

“What's your problem with him?”  

“He's giving hickeys to my sixteen year old partner”  they changed their hold and glided across the ice “So it's official or something?”

“Yeah, you could say that.”

“Okay” he breathed and continued their dance until Rhonda or Sergei stopped them to correct something.

Everything seemed amazing with Finn and she and Bellamy were winning. Then they lost the Junior Grand Prix Final to Finn and Glass but they managed to work through it. And then  December and  January passed and suddenly her relationship with Finn was going south. It was her own fault really. The closer it was to February the more she avoided him.

“We have another ballroom training for Worlds”  A lie.

“I have something at school” An avoidance.

“I’m going home for the weekend” she said on Sunday before the Original Dance event at the Olympics.

“Maybe I could come with you?  I know how you want to watch it and how emotional it is for you, I could be your support” his voice was gentle, eyes concerned and his thumb was stroking her knuckles but at these words she withdrew her hand immediately.

“That’s not a good idea” she said a little detached. “I don’t want to ruin your weekend”

“You could never” he moved closer and she stepped away.

“I’m going to sit alone and complain, that’s how I want it, Bellamy’s giving me a ride, I gotta go” she almost ran with how fast she left.

Her partner was waiting for her in his car and she breathed out in relief when the door closed behind her and it was only Bellamy and her again.

“Something happened?” he asked with raised eyebrows “I thought you were just saying goodbye to Finn”

“I was”

“And? Something happened? Because you look relieved and not unhappy because you’re leaving your boyfriend.” They started driving and once her heart calmed down she felt  actual shame on how she reacted. It wasn’t Finn’s fault that they didn’t qualify. They were basically seniors but not on an international level. Not yet. 

“He wanted to come with me”

“Princess, did you just save me from three hours in a car with Collins? I’m touched” he put his hand on his heart and she punched him lightly in the shoulder.

“He doesn’t understand. We were supposed to be _there_ Bell. He keeps saying things but he doesn’t feel that disappointment that anger that we didn’t make it. We had a plan and it failed us” her head dropped and they were quiet for a few seconds until Bellamy reached for her hand and squeezed it lightly.

“I know”

 

It was late so they came straight to her house. Her parents were out and wouldn’t be back till Tuesday so she invited him to watch skating at her place. Abby knew and she was very against the idea because they were sixteen and eighteen and apparently that meant they were supposed to jump each other immediately because of hormones. Clarke reminded her mother that she knew him since he was an annoying brat so it was very unlikely but his girlfriend would also be there so she shouldn’t worry.

It was a lie. She wouldn't let Echo into her home under any circumstances and from what she could gather from a very angry phone call Bellamy had the exactly the same issue with Echo as Clarke with Finn.

That weekend belonged to them.

 

They set out on opposite sides of her couch each one of them holding some snack and watched the Olympics begin.

The original dance that year Latin based and it was either beautiful or painful to watch. No in-between.

During the second warm up group Clarke disappeared for a moment and came back with an open bottle of wine.

“I won't tell if you don't” she gave him a cheeky smile before plopping down in the middle of the too big couch and showing the bottle off so he would come closer. They weren't close enough to touch but enough to pass the bottle around without much trouble.

When the first Canadian couple came in she felt bitter taste of jealousy and could see Bellamy’s hand was curled in a fist. It didn't help that their Latin was one of the painful ones when the woman couldn't quite roll her hips without looking stupid and there was that voice in her head saying that they could have beaten them. If they were just a little better, a little earlier.

“Clarke, you okay?” Bellamy asked touching her knee and she could feel tears of disappointment and shame on her eyes before spilling on her cheeks. She wasn't kidding when she said to Finn that she would ruin his weekend.

“It was supposed to be us” she croaked out and suddenly she was squished by Bellamy and his arms and surrounded by his smell. He was holding her tightly, hand stroking her back and unlike when Finn did that she didn't feel irritation. Bellamy wasn't trying to placate her because the two of them were in this together. They shared so many talks about their performance in Turin. Performance that wouldn't have happened.

She stopped crying at some point but didn't move. They still passed the wine, shit talking the skaters, keeping their voices down even though they were alone in her house. At some point she pulled the blanket over them once it got cold and she didn't want to move to up the heat.

By the time the competition ended she was pleasantly buzzed and he was in no condition to drive. There was a commentary segment right after though so they left it on. She was sleepy and slightly dozing off when he asked quietly and sounding as exhausted as she felt:

“You've been ignoring your phone. Doesn't Finn know what you're doing tonight?”

She knew what he's asking. If her boyfriend knew that she was watching Olympics with her partner. Snuggled up. She felt a headache coming and it had nothing to do with wine.

“Does Echo know?” she asked instead earning a heavy sigh from him.

“Fair enough”

“You can crash here” she murmured into his chest falling asleep already.

“Wasn't going to move” it was almost slurred at that point. But then he _was_ moving and she wanted to protest but all he did was rearrange himself and her in the process so he was laying on his back with her draped over by his side and a blanket over them.

She felt warm and comfortable in his arms and his calm breaths put her to sleep.

 

Clarke woke up to a sun shining straight into her eyes because she didn't close the blinds which was her first mistake. Her second mistake was laying there where she could feel Bellamy's lips on her neck breathing deeply, his arm draped lightly over her waist, hand just over her hip and his boner pressing against her ass because as her mother pointed out they were indeed teenagers with hormones.

She should move but he was warm and solid and she realized - she didn't really want to.

That's when her phone buzzed again and her peace got ruined.

It was probably Finn and she should not be sleeping with Bellamy after saying to Finn that she would be alone.

A little regretfully she tried to pull away but he only pulled her closer and locked her in his embrace while his hips actually grinded into her ass. She was both feeling a little mortified because he was probably thinking it was Echo, and turned on. Hoping he was deeply sleeping, she tried moving again but his hold didn't get any looser and she felt his lips pressing few hot kisses up her neck. It made her feel deep heat in her core and she wanted to move against him to feel more.

_Fuck._

“Clarke” he mumbled and she gave a small “Mhm” only to feel him grow still.

“Shit.” he moved his hips away from her as if she didn't already know. “Sorry, I'll be right back”

Bellamy left the couch quickly and it would be funny if not the fact that she heard her shower running few minutes later. She wondered if he was going to take care of that. And she should not be thinking about Bellamy touching himself she berated herself.

She was horny and her boyfriend was away. Suddenly not letting him come didn't seem like such a great idea.

Bellamy came back fifteen minutes later not meeting eyes and looking for an excuse to leave as fast as possible.

She let him. He'd be back by the evening to watch the free and they both needed to ride out the mortification.

He probably went to see Marcus and to talk to his sister Octavia. The girl wasafourteen and Marcus arranged for her to leave to Toronto to train as a single skater under Indri two years ago. Bellamy was livid when he found out but then again Clarke was the same age when they moved the first time so every argument he had - she could counter. That got her some brownie points with Octavia and a week of pissed off silence from Bellamy. He let it go eventually.

Not wanting to waste the day away watching tv, Clarke cleaned up the mess they've made yesterday, did some yoga and then sat down to call Wells.

Their relationship was strained after she blew they tentative plans years ago. At the beginning she suspected it was the grudge he was holding so gradually and stubbornly she sent letters and called until their relationship got better. Lately he kept talking how fantastic the school was and that he landed yet another role and how the girl he was dating broke his heart. In return Clarke complained about Rhonda and gushed about Bellamy and talked shyly about Finn who she was not supposed to date in the first place because they were rivals but she just couldn't help herself.

Her friend answered after second signal.

“This better be good, I am so hungover” he groaned.

“I told my boyfriend I'm alone tonight and yet Bellamy and I slept together on my couch after watching the Olympics. Also hello Wells, how are you?”

“You fucked Bellamy? Isn't there like a rule book not to fuck your skating partner?”

“I didn't! We just slept! I would never fuck Bellamy, our partnership is too important to screw it up”

“Jesus, how upset are you. You used to swear a lot less”

“I'm not upset… it's just he got hard at night and then really embarrassed and left and then I didn't answer any of Finn's texts from the night before” she said in one breath and she could almost see him rolling his eyes at her.

“This is not a conversation to have sober. Call your boyfriend Clarke. His name is Finn not Bellamy just if you're confused” and he hang up.

She sat there with her mouth slightly open not believing that he just left her like that. What was she supposed to do?

 _Call Finn_ the small voice in her head prompted and she hated that voice. She couldn't understand her sudden reluctance to talk to him. Usually she was ecstatic.

 

_Hey, I left my phone upstairs and got wine drunk. Sorry._

_I was worried!_

_I know, I'll make it up to you, I promise ;)_

 

They texted a little bit more but she found another excuse to stop.

She did some resistance training, read a book and by the time it was half an hour to the free she heard the car pulling up at her yard and moment later Bellamy let himself in casually.

“Hi, so how much do I have to apologize for this morning?” his hand was rubbing back of his neck and he tried very hard to keep his eyes on her face.

“Not much. I get dibs on the chocolate you have for me. I know you do, watching today is going to be terrible” she grinned and he cracked an actual smile at her. It took her breath away sometimes. In that seven years old part of her that used to have a crush on outgoing Blake boy.

The started watching with her tucked into the corner of the couch and Bellamy sprawled out from his side, poking her with his foot when something catching his attention happened and her swatting him away every time.

There was no alcohol today and she regretted it dearly.

 

Watching every one of these couples being almost drunk with joy at the fact that they are presenting their free dance on Olympic ice was like a cold stab in her heart. And looking at the boy in front of her and noticing his jaw clenching - she knew it was the same for him.

The first couple from their country was up. And she said what she was afraid of saying to her parents and to Rhonda and Wells. Because it wasn't very graceful or fair, because they weren't selected for a reason.

“We are better than them” it was quiet and almost drowned out by the crescendo of music. Bellamy looked at her and he tried to be the bigger person that one time, she admired him.

“Clarke, the federation…”

It didn't matter what the federation said right now. She poked him back until he sat up.

“Fuck that. Look at them” she gripped his thigh tightly and he threw her a worried look but she pointed him various things in the dance that they did better. And yes maybe on a rational side she knew that the couple was better at pattern dance and original but they were good. Even with their free that year that they didn't like at all. With the right material though and just a little more of hard work before, it would have been them.

They were the ones who should have be in Turin.

The scores were announced and she realized she was gripping him too tightly.

“Sorry that I'm such an emotional mess. Second day in a row too” she laughed humorlessly and made a move to get away.

Instead of letting her go or even just keeping her still, he pulled her so hard that she ended up half straddling his lap, her legs twisted at a little weird angle but that was the furthest thing from her mind at the moment.

It's not like it was the first time she was in close proximity to him, they had a similar lift but that was on the ice - not her couch.

He kept his hands on her waist firmly and looked into her eyes, she couldn't help but feel warm and a little breathless.

“It should have been us” he said quietly and she was so relieved to be understood, her features softened and she felt the tension leave her body.

One of his hands released her waist and instead put few strand curls from her face, tucked them slowly behind her ear. His eyes so dark that she barely saw the brown of it in the dark room, his breathing getting a bit more shallow and his grip on her waist just a little tighter. Perhaps she wasn't the only emotional one in that moment.

“We still have Vancouver, princess” he whispered.

“We were supposed to get the gold in Vancouver” she sounded quite beaten all of the sudden. “I want to win the gold”

“We will.” he was stroking her cheek gently and she wasn't sure where the shift happened. The only thing she knew was he was here - understanding. And he would stand by her side when they win.

Her heart was pounding and the hand on her cheek stilled, she realized that she let her mind wander while staring at his lips so she looked up sharply.

Bellamy seemed conflicted for a moment pulling her just a little closer so they noses were almost touching their breaths mingling, warm and familiar.

Clarke wasn't moving, wasn’t breathing as he looked down on her lips. Once. Twice.

He leaned in connecting their lips.

He could probably taste the chocolate she ate earlier on her lips, his own mouth a little chapped from the cold and so soft.

Her kisses were clumsy but it was Bellamy, she didn't have to impress him. And he was patient with her, almost guiding her.

She wanted to get closer to feel all of him. She moved so she was flush against him, burying her hand in his hair and the kiss suddenly changed. He moaned in her mouth and it was such a hot sound low and coming deep from his chest making her pulse race and the heat in her groin start. She moved slightly again and felt him hard underneath her.

There was no shame that time - only want. His mouth grew more demanding, her own opening so he could explore more and while her hand was busy with his hair, his slipped underneath her shirt. It was warm against her freezing skin. Feeling almost like it was burning.

He was everywhere.

Kissing her mouth, moving down, pressing hot kisses down her neck just like he did that morning only they were longer now, drawing out her pleasure and she was moaning pulling his shirt up because she needed more. He let her tug it off and shuddered when she put her freezing hands on his warm chest before resuming pleasuring her with his mouth - sucking lightly on the hollow in her collarbone.

“Off” he murmured and her sweater was on the floor in seconds. If she hadn’t known any better she’d thought he was drunk, his eyes were wide and shining staring at her naked chest. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed hard and couldn't look away clenching around nothing.

He moved down her breast to kiss her nipple wetly and suck on it each pull of his mouth sending sparks of pleasure and making her wet. She felt him getting harder and his mouth felt so good she started rocking her hips to relieve the tension inside her.

Bellamy moaned against her breast, the other mound was groped by him and his other hand landed on her ass, squeezing hard, encouraging her movement.

She was burning up with desire and it felt both amazing and unbearable.

“Clarke” he groaned out, leaving her nipple alone, and pulling her for another all-consuming kiss, licking into her mouth and biting her lip, she could barely keep up while still grinding on him. “Shit, I need…” he stopped when she rolled her hips against him harder biting his lower lip a little.

“Yeah?” her mind was hazy and judging by his glassy eyes so was his.

He moved to her pants and pushed it down her hips and then off with her help, pulling her back so she was straddling him once more. Before she could do something with his own clothes, his hand touched her through her panties lightly and she took a shuddering breath at another spark of pleasure.

“Shhh” he murmured against her ear, kissing the shell lightly as his thumb rubbed her and it felt good but it was off centre of her clit.

She grabbed his hand guiding it where she needed it and let out a loud moan feeling her most sensitive place rubbed and pleasured. Bellamy gave off what sounded like a choked off moan, latching onto her neck.

“Shit, you’re so wet” he gave a breathy laugh, tickling her neck and it woke her up that she was just sitting in his arms moaning and not doing anything. She fumbled to unzip his jeans, and he rose his hips to help her.

He was big and warm through his boxers, as she touched him a bit timidly.

“I don't… I've never…” she started, trying to convey just how inexperienced she was but getting distracted by his hand on her pussy.

“It's okay” he kissed her cheek and it was almost chaste considering that she was palming his cock.

Clarke thought she wanted to say something but she lost her composure the second he pulled her panties aside and pushed a finger inside her making her moan and collapse on top of him. “Bell” she whimpered.

“I’ll take care of you, Princess” his finger was moving in and out, palm of his hand rubbing her clit and she was moving and moaning, pleasure clouding her brain, as she reached a little blindly for his cock again and pulled it from his boxers squeezing him lightly.

He groaned and took her little hand in his moving it to her own wetness, gathering some and she felt almost embarrassed but then his much bigger hand was guiding it back and closing hers on his cock. It was so smooth and hot and Bellamy was moving her hand, changing the pressure, showing her how to make it good for him. All while slowly pumping inside her and making her lose her mind.

He pushed another finger and moved faster, her moans  getting more frequent and higher. When Clarke started clenching around his fingers, he pushed her lightly so he could see her face while she finished, her hand getting slack on his cock as she came, pleasure overwhelming, her face twisting as she savoured the sensation, her eyes shut and mouth open as she gave one last whimper.

When she finally came to, he was still hard, looking at her with a small smile and a little impatience painted on his face so she kissed his mouth with all the passion she felt and swatted his hand away from hers as she continued jerking him off, mouth wandering to his neck, kissing, feeling his pulse jump and pressing her breast against his naked chest, hard nipples grazing his skin. He was breathing hard and low moans were leaving his throat when she felt his muscles tense and then he was coming and she has never seen him as beautiful as he was in that moment. She kept going until he was done, her hand and his stomach sticky with semen, before sliding off him and just collapsing on her back on the coach, exhausted.

Her mind was blissfully fuzzy and she felt him drop a lingering kiss on her forehead saying he would be back in a moment.

Clarke found herself drifting off a little when Bellamy came back clean with a wet cloth and wiped her hand and her thighs gently.

They dressed silently and the more minutes passed the clearer her mind got and the panic set in. What have they done?

Bellamy must have seen it because he was next to her in few seconds, hugging her tightly.

“Shh, baby.” he soothed probably afraid that she would flee from her own house. He wasn’t entirely wrong. “I know. Let’s sleep for now.”

He took her to her own bed upstairs and said nothing when she pulled the covers to let him get in. She suddenly felt very cold and very afraid and she needed him close even if that's where the problem laid in the first place. She was pulled tightly to his chest, face buried in his neck and she fell asleep soothed by steady heartbeat she felt in his chest.

 

She was woken up by light stroking of her back and she nuzzled into the warmth surrounding her before she remembered who was in bed in her and why the whole thing is a disaster.

Her eyes flew open to meet brown ones staring at her calmly. She was half laying on his chest and he didn't stop stroking her back under her top.

“Did we ruin everything?” she asked simply.

“I don't think so. I hope not.” he cleared his throat. “Clarke, I have Echo, you have Finn. We needed each other but it can never happen again, you know that, right?” his damn hand hadn't stilled its movement but despite what happened it was only bringing her comfort.

“Yeah, of course. You're still giving me a ride right?” she asked innocently batting her lashes and he seized stroking her back.

“Yeah, Princess. I am” he tickled her sides and she shrieked.

 

Finn was livid that she hadn’t answered any of his texts again but she did promise to make it up to him. True to her word she invited him to her place to watch some action movie he really wanted to see and she didn't care about but she was the one doing the grovelling. They bought pizza and cuddled on her bed and it was nice.

When he moved his hand under her skirt she wanted to close her legs but then why would she. Bellamy was probably fucking Echo right now and Finn was hers, wanted her and could bring her pleasure. She let him touch her and finger her for a while.

They pulled each other's clothes off and she whispered hurriedly that she was a virgin and then he was putting on his condom and sinking inside her.

It felt good, he kept saying what a good girl she was and it was _hot._ But then he was urging her to come because he was about to finish and she was nowhere near close so she clenched around his length and he groaned coming and keeping her close.

Yes, sex with Finn was nice. And it wouldn't be a frequent occurrence because following the Olympics Rhonda decided more time training some skills so they would start getting on senior podiums as soon as possible.

She found some expert in acrobatics and sent Bellamy and Clarke to him since Clarke could hold herself in lifts better than Glass - they were going to take full advantage of that.

Then she made them meet professional dancers so they could dance argentine tango perfectly. If Clarke didn't know better she would think that all of her energy is going for them but Finn said that she suddenly became crazily intense with him and Glass as well.

Well. Olympics were only in four years.  

She might not like it and Finn might throw a hissy fit about lack of dates but Clarke cared more about the gold than her relationship. She might just be the worst girlfriend.

They still met in weekends, fucked and then slept because they were exhausted. It was fine. Her muscles were hurting anyway.

When Vera Kane said the female should hold herself in a lift years ago, Clarke didn't think she'd end up hanging upside down from Bellamy's neck but… it did the trick and she trusted him to save her from breaking her neck.

They trained harder and harder until everything was hurting and she still had to make it to the next day.

When they first choreographed their free dance Clarke admitted finally that they might have found something good for them.

It was magical.

It was soft and balletic and lovely.

Amazing and fresh.

Along with Rhonda's determination to make them stronger physically and more passionate on the tango original dance, she also found new ways to make Clarke's skin crawl. She didn't think it was possible.

“This is a _love_ story, I've seen you look at each other like you're in love when you were juniors more. Now do that here” she yelled and Clarke sighed.

It was a little fucked up but when the music started it was almost too easy to feel like she was in love with him. She honestly hoped that it was her feeling the role to the core and not repressed feelings making a reappearance.

That would be another disaster.

The day before first Challenger Comp of the season Finn told her he loved her and she broke up with him.

She felt a little bad when he fell on the pattern dance an hour later and Bellamy mocked her that she did that on purpose.

They placed second in Skate Canada.

And fifth at Worlds.

Suddenly the world was in love with them and rooting for them.

 

And then there were _Umbrellas._

Clarke loved everything about _Umbrellas._

She loved the hauntingly beautiful music that inspired her to feel like she was flying. The story that Bellamy and her created so close to what they could been. Two kids who might have fallen for each other as they danced around loving, longing.

She adored the way Bellamy looked at her and touched her with care on the ice and how she could move close to him and make the audience feel things as their lips almost brushed but could never really reach. On ice they were in love, they belonged to each other.

Rhonda seemed to finally stop yelling about connection and focused on transitions and step sequence that needed work while they gazed at each other, pouring their hearts out for this one dance. Clarke could feel dull ache in her chest every time Bellamy looked at her with tenderness that she responded to with a gentle smile of a girl ready for love. That look wouldn’t disappear the moment the music stopped, it was almost as he seemed to need a little time to shake the character off. _Umbrellas_ made her happy.  

She loved the satisfaction of getting on the international podiums with silver and gold and the pride when she was standing there proud listening to their anthem playing because they were the best, Bellamy and her, champions. She loved that every time she heard their anthem and standing on the  podium she could almost forget for a second that her legs stopped working.

They had started to hurting her the year before but she thought it was because of the compulsories. That she trained too hard. That it would pass. She iced her shins in the evening, told Bellamy it must have been splints and was as good as new the next day.

Then Umbrellas came and after one of the trainings in the middle of the season she couldn’t stand up the next morning. Her shins were on fire.

She didn’t tell Bell or Rhonda.

Clarke called in sick and spent some hours with ice on her legs, shooting down Bellamy’s messages if she was okay. Weakness was unacceptable in the field so she made an appointment with her doctor.

The first person she told was her mother. She called and calmly explained to her what happened.  Abby came with her to the appointment.

She didn’t know what to expect, she thought she would be presented with a solution.

Instead she’s got was a sentence.

Compartment Syndrome.

“You have to tell Rhonda” Abby said to her shocked daughter. Clarke barely heard her, more focused on the last bit of conversation with her doctor.

“Can I skate after the surgery?”

“Miss Griffin, we hope so”

“Is there a guarantee that I will skate again?” Clarke sounded calm but felt almost desperate, she needed skating, they were supposed to get gold in 2010, she couldn’t abandon Bellamy, she couldn’t let him down or abandon her dreams.

The doctor was quiet for a moment before quietly declaring the rest of her sentence. “There is no guarantee”

The second person who knew was Rhonda before Four Continents. She told her about the pain and her surgery. Although if it was up to Clarke, she wouldn’t have told her that early but Rhonda decided to start distracting them by yelling “No” during one of their cue words or lifts. So they would be prepared, she said.

That woman was the devil, Bellamy agreed with her on that.

Before the competition, in practice Clarke was so focused on ignoring burning in her shins that she fell few times too many after Irina decided to yell out of nowhere.

Most of the time Bellamy caught her, keeping her up and close and asking with irritation why she was so distracted that day. She gave him a sheepish smile and told him it was stress keeping her tense.

His expression softened them, his hand gentle on her arm or her back as he told her they were going to be great together.

 _Together_ has been perfect description of them and yet it left stale taste in her mouth when she repeated it after him.

Together… and all she wanted to say was _but for how much longer._

Bellamy was the last person she told. Rhonda made sure to let the federation know and Clarke was left with informing her partner.

She delayed it as much as she could.

She put it away because he looked so happy with their skate at Worlds when they came second and he hugged her so tightly and all of it, the happiness at the first real success was worth the pain she was suffering. And he deserved to soak it all in without her tainting his joy.

She didn’t tell him when they came back and he was so energized the entire flight that he kept talking about what they could and that their Olympic gold was so close.

He must have seen how she winced sometimes but after few times she gave him a vague answer he stopped. She would welcome the question again because suddenly she didn’t know how to start and she was so busy hiding that they haven’t really talked beside the ice for months.

They came back home and suddenly she had a surgery in a few days. Resigned she texted him:

_Can you come over?_

_Sure. Something happened?_

_I’ll tell you_

Bellamy arrived about half an hour later knocking loudly at her door and she smiled at the sight of him. Dressed in sweats looking almost like he didn’t have a care in the world.

Almost.

The second he saw her somber expression he frowned.

“Everything okay, Princess?”

Clarke bit down on her lip and willed herself not to start crying. She motioned so they would go upstairs and he followed her silently his frown only deepening as they entered her room.

“Your parents are out?” He asked when she told him to sit down.

“I asked for privacy” she answered, he looked a little unsettled. The last time they were alone in her house things got a little out of hand.

“Clarke, what’s going on?” His voice betrayed just how anxious he was.

She inhaled deeply few more times before saying what has been eating her up for weeks in one breath:

“I’ve been in pain for months, doctors think it’s compartment syndrome, I’m having surgery in a week”

“You’re having what?” he looked at her with horror in his eyes. “You said it was shin splints that it was fine” he was frozen in his place on her bed but she couldn’t stay motionless so she started pacing a little around her room.

“That’s what I thought but they there were days when I couldn’t walk Bellamy! The doctor told me that I have it and the more I overwork my shins the worse it’s going to be!” She stood in front of him and looked him in the eye “ I wouldn’t be able to skate, Bell” the last part was said almost breathily, the mere mention of it was terrifying.

He was watching her with the same fear that she felt but kept at bay for every training until today. He reached out and took her hand gently as if she was a porcelain doll – fragile and ready to fall apart at the lightest touch.

“The surgery” he talked in a hushed tone even though the house was empty and no one would hear them but it seemed wrong to talk about it loudly. As long as it was only in whispers it was just a possibility. “It’s going to help? You’ll skate again? You won’t be in pain?”

 _Yes._ She wanted to grant him that lie so he would stay optimistic for both of them.

 _Yes._ So he would wait for her and they could skate for their gold in two years.

 _Yes._ And maybe he would forgive her keeping it from him for so long.

“Bellamy…” she started and there was _hope_ in his eyes. He didn’t deserve anything less than the truth. The choice to leave if it was something he wanted.

Her eyes started watering all of the sudden as she realized that he could go and look for a new partner, he was fantastic.

“Princess, you’re going to be fine right?” He squeezed her hand, the gesture still gentle but enough for her.

She shattered.

“The surgery might help but nothing is certain” she sobbed out, tears streaming down her face. She almost missed the shock on his face as she focused on not choking on her own sobs.

For her future.

For years dedicated to skating.

For the pain she was feeling every day, every minute.

For _him._

He was frozen for a second jumping up and engulfing her in a hug which only made her cry harder. It was his career too and she might have ruined it. Bellamy was making some shushing noises one hand on her back pressing her whole body against his, the other hand on the back of her neck warm and comforting.

She doesn’t know how long they stood there, her soaking up his warmth of his body and him murmuring that it’s going to be okay. After some time he stopped even that instead murmuring to breathe with him.

Finally she exhausted herself and stood there just breathing while he drew circles on her back slowly.

“Clarke, why didn’t you tell me earlier?” He asked slowly.

“We were happy” she murmured into his chest. “We finally won… I didn’t want to ruin it”

He pulled away and his hands moved to rest on her face, his eyes serious when he looked at her.

“You were in pain”

“And we still won. It was worth it, okay?” She tried to smile a little.

He agreed, she could see it. He hated himself for this but he was on the same page as her,  it _was_ worth it.

“Are you afraid?” He asked instead and she could feel tears forming again. She couldn’t help it.

Bellamy pulled her to bed and laid them down, holding her shaking body. He could feel his phone vibrating in his jeans and so could Clarke since she was half lying on top of him. “You should answer, what if it’s important?” She hiccuped and he looked down at her wiping some tears off her face before smiling softly:

“It’s probably Echo. She can wait, you’re more important right now” he said.

“Bell, if I won’t…” she started but he covered her mouth with his hand tightly so she could only glare at him.

“You’ll be okay” he pulled his hand away and she pretended to be offended so he flicked her in the arm and she cracked a small smile. “You need to tell me if something is wrong, I can help” he murmured into her hair.

“I was handling it” she whispered back, her hand moving over his shirt idly. It had a small maple leaf at the bottom, of course it had.

“Clarke” he tilted her chin up so she was facing him. “It’s just me. You can trust me. No one else matters. Just you and me” he was stroking her face slowly just like he did two years ago on her coach and she was suddenly overwhelmed with some sense of urgency. What if it was the end? What if she wouldn’t skate again and they would never compete again? What if it was the last time they were like this.

Bellamy was watching her with the tenderness that she was so used to during _Umbrellas._ What if it was the last time he looked at her like this? Terrified she realized that the thought was unbearable for her, that along the way with Umbrellas and living day to day with this boy for most of her life now she felt something more. It was awful that she might never experience any of that again or worse that someone could replace her.

His phone was ringing as a bitter reminder but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. What if this was the end?

Before she could think it through she reached for his face and pressed her lips against his.

In case it was the last time.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't look at me, it was supposed to be the last one but I noticed it was me just saying what happened and not actually writing at least part of the story.  
> It's mostly about Clarke's feelings anyway.  
> There is going to be one more about the Olympics and then it's over. Good thing the Olympic ones will be quite short ;)
> 
> Thank you to everyone commenting and leaving kudos I'm very flattered and happy to see that :)  
> (I'm not sure where the last one will be but hopefully soon. I just finished a ton of tests only to step into the exam season I love uni)  
> Anyway, I hope it was good.  
> Referenced programs: Jack and Diane EX 2009

Clarke pressed her whole body against him, moving with urgency burning inside her. He pulled away, keeping her at arms’ length and looked at her tears stained face.

“Bellamy” her lip quivered and she saw that he was fighting himself, the doubt clouding his eyes. Suddenly she felt the shame at what she had done.

He had a girlfriend.

And they had agreed years ago that nothing would happen ever again.

“I’m so sorry” she started dropping her head but didn’t have time to come up with an excuse because his warm mouth was on hers in a kiss.

It was intense and hot and so different from their first one.

This one was more desperate, she wanted him with every fibre of her body, she always loved him but lately it felt like it could change. Like she could fall in love with him beyond the stupid crush she nursed for years.

She wasn’t sure which one of them starting tugging their clothes off but it seemed so right. Her panties were tossed off, shirt falling somewhere on the floor while his sweatpants and hoodie were lying next to the bed, followed by his boxers.

They were touching and exploring and kissing.

She never wanted to stop kissing him. Not when he put his fingers inside her and brought her to climax, not when he brushed his cock against her pussy and a shiver went down her spine.

“Please” she whined against his mouth and he pulled his face away a little, his warm lips leaving hers. He looked into her eyes as he put his cock inside her, the deeper he got the more breathless she felt. She gave out a low moan when he bottomed out and he bit her lower lip, the slight tug made her squirm and then they moved.

Bellamy fucked her slowly, intensely, stopping only to tell her how it was going to be okay and how good she was to him. Clarke was clutching at his shoulder and back probably leaving marks but she didn’t care.

She was burning up.

The pleasure and the tension kept building more and more and her whole world was Bellamy’s warm body, his smell, the grunts in her ear and his cock bringing her to the new heights until she finally felt over the edge with a small cry of his name followed by moan as he pulled out and spent himself on her stomach.

Blissed out Clarke felt him move out of her and collapsing on his back, she cleaned herself out with a tissue let herself be pulled into his embrace. He was holding her so hard she was almost suffocating but she welcomed it.

“You’re going  to be just fine Princess” he said running his fingers through her hair. “We have a gold to win and I want it. With you”

“I want it with you too” she murmured sleepily against his chest, dropping one last kiss on his skin before sleep overtook her.

He was gone in the morning.

*

He wasn’t there when she opened her eyes after the surgery.

Clarke swallowed her hurt and smiled at her mother who has been at her side all that time and then at her whole family that came to see her, to wish her a quick recovery or just ask how she was. If her injury has taught her anything it was to smile through every discomfort so that’s what she did.

She pointedly ignored that there was someone missing, burying the hurt under the pain in her legs as she relearned how to walk. Pretended that her silent phone wasn’t the reason for her sadness.

Clarke never asked him to call or visit.

Somehow she dared to think that he would come to her either way. Because she was his partner, his best friend since childhood. And he just … didn’t.

She could bear it, she thought to herself putting her phone away after checking her messages once more. No text. No call.

Nothing.

Wells came over for a day and sat with her as a good friend watching stupid sitcoms and throwing popcorn at her. She never told him what had happened before the surgery but he knew that something wasn’t right mostly because she usually didn’t shut up about her partner. Now all she wanted to know was his life and she dodged every one of his question about her career and her fears. About Bell.

He promised to take the next weekend off and come see her again.

Clarke smiled at him gratefully and kissed his cheek.

Few weeks into her recovery she was reading in bed when there was a knock on her door before Abby came inside.

“Honey, there’s someone here to see you” she said with a small smile and Clarke could feel her heart racing. The thought that he came made her feel warm and happy and so nervous because it’s been weeks and she was just as furious as she was relieved.

Her mother moved aside and the cold settled in the pit of Clarke’s stomach.

She imagined a boy with curly hair, darker skin and a smile that made her day for the last eleven years. In his place was Finn.

Tears welled in her eyes and she blinked them away quickly looking away and trying so hard to pull herself together. He was her competition and she couldn’t afford to show weakness.

“Oh, Clarke” he said gently and walked to her, sitting on the bed and gently taking her hand in his. “It’s going to be okay, baby”

She hated that he called her _baby_ and the anger was enough to swallow down her tears. Finn didn’t look all that different since she last saw him. The hair was still long and his eyes seemed to be just as kind as always. She didn’t exactly miss him and he was not Bellamy but after all the hours of staring at her annoyingly silent phone – she was glad he came.

Finn asked about her physio and how she felt. What she did when she was bored. Told her about that time Glass tried to hit on someone and what a disaster that was.

“How’s the season going? Rhonda is working you to your deaths already?” she smiled faintly and he squeezed her hand gently.

“Something like that. Although she’s busy with Bellamy lately”

Clarke hated herself a little for how she came alive at the sound of his name, Finn seemed to notice and grimaced.

“Why? What are they doing that keeps her so occupied?” her tone was light and teasing but his frown seemed to deepen. “What’s wrong?”

“Clarke…” he seemed to think about what to say for a second and she squeezed his hand but not in a friendly comforting way he had before. She was clutching him and probably causing pain when she asked again:

“What’s going on?”

“Rhonda is helping Bellamy find a new partner. They’ve been having try outs for two weeks now”

“What”

She was sure she must have heard it wrong. His hand fell from his and she scooted away unconsciously. It couldn’t be true.

“You heard me” he said quietly and if she thought that her heart was pounding before now it wanted to beat out of her chest.

“That’s not true, we have the Olympics” she whispered not really looking at Finn but at some point above his shoulder.

Bellamy wouldn’t do that to her, would he? She felt so cold.

They promised each other the Olympics.

She could hear the pounding of her heart in her ears and everything else seemed to be hazy and muffled. They were supposed to win the gold together.

“I don’t feel well, could you leave me alone?” she whispered in Finn’s general direction.

She didn’t hear his answer but the door was shut and she was alone.

Clarke knew she had to tough it out. Try harder to get back on the ice sooner but it felt like her will to live just left. Bellamy didn’t care about her enough to check on her. To wait for her. She was always told that he was better and she was holding him back.

Now she wasn’t.

He didn’t need her, she was dispensable.

Worthless, like everyone had always implied.

Finally Bellamy could  find someone who would help him shine.

She didn’t try to stop her tears this time.

*

Next time she saw Well, she told him everything. Not because she felt like it would give her any relief but because he was so patient with not asking, he deserved an explanation. That and she did abandon him years ago.

Maybe it was karma getting to her. She left her partner now hers was leaving.

*

She cried only that first night. Then instead of crying, she stared angrily at his name in her phone willing him to say something, anything, to tell her in her face that they were done.

Nothing happened though so she threw her phone.

She chose him.

She chose to leave Wells  to dance with him, throwing away her future and he couldn’t wait for her.  It wasn’t about her stupid crush anymore or even about that night before the surgery.

She chose him all these years ago.

Why didn’t he?

She and Bell used to go into their little bubble before competitions. But there was no longer Clarke and Bellamy. There was Clarke and her good for nothing legs so she focused on them, trying to ignore gossips about the skating world and the end of her career in competitive skating.

Getting stronger every day and training made her focus on something besides Bellamy. Until there was time to take the ice again.

She called Marcus and asked if he could take some time to help her get back on her feet before the rink would open. Clarke was sure that her first time back would be less than graceful and she didn’t want an audience for that.

Less than graceful was an understatement.

She was terrible, sliding carefully wary of her shins and doing laps around the ice like a kid.

That’s how she felt.

Like a teenager that she was and not an almost Olympian. She could’ve been at Olympics.

Her home Olympics with her best friend if she would just learn to ignore the piercing pain every time she took a step.

Angry at herself she tried to do a twizzle but fell down and felt like screaming, tears in her eyes making her vision shady.

Too lost in her own thoughts she hadn’t noticed someone sliding next to her and spraying her with snow when they stopped. Slowly dying from humiliation inside, she refused to look up. Instead she tried getting up on her own but she was clumsy and almost fell again.

She knew who he was. Marcus didn’t stop like that and the rink was supposed to be empty.

Her companion helped her steady herself making her face turn crimson. Worlds Silver Medallist, can’t stand on skates.  She looked up finally and saw Bellamy smiling at her warmly.

Clarke didn’t smile but the hot feeling of embarrassment was replaced with ice in her veins at the sight of him. It used to be so good, to be with him. She was safe and secure and there was warmth to him that always comforted her even when they were at each other’s throats.

He stopped smiling and looked at her with concern.

There was ice in her veins, in her stare, in her heart.

She chose him and he didn’t choose her. It was enough for her.

“Thank you” she said quietly and skated away from him.

Two weeks later Rhonda texted her if she could start training already because they would never make it with compulsory or original dance at that rate. The message was harsh and unpleasant and it made her happier than ever. She still had a job.

It didn’t even matter that she might be a backup for Bellamy and his new partner.

Then she arrived at the rink on Monday weirdly she thought that it would be easier than before the surgery. Some naive part of her believed she could do it. She and Bell had made the podium just months ago, it shouldn’t be that hard. She took the ice and it wasn’t that bad.  
Bellamy came to the ice giving her a huge smile and a side hug.  It felt awkward for a second because she was still furious but he has been her partner for years now, they could make it work.

“Basics, basics, today we do basics. Waltz” Rhonda spoke loudly and Clarke made herself focus on the task.

She let Bellamy guide her into the hold. He was warm and steady, watching her without speaking just chewing gum like his life depended on it. He didn’t say a word about new partners.

Instead he guided her quietly through the steps Rhonda had already drilled into him.  She thought it would be fine, the injury was contained after all.  The minute into the compulsory, careful edges and bent knees and no  good speed because she was still weaker than she would like, that’s when she felt the pain again. 

It wasn’t the same intensity, it was bearable and expected after the surgery  but it was still there. So she did what had to be done, she clenched her teeth and carried on. Bellamy hasn’t spoken to her about anything but the dance the whole time.

She had to take a break after a few minutes because she was technically still recovering. Her skating skills were lacking and she wasn’t used to skating in pain after a break. When she left the ice for a second, Bellamy gave her a look that she couldn’t identify - his brow furrowed and lips tight but he got taken by aside by Rhonda almost immediately. Clarke sat on a bench and watched as their coach seemed to try to convince Bellamy to do something and her partners face twisted in anger at whatever she had said.

Clarke didn’t want to wonder what was that about. Was Rhonda trying to convince Bellamy not to drop her? Even with the injury? She bit the inside of her cheek hard and stood up.

“Can we continue?” she asked loudly enough so they would come back to her. She entered the ice and Bellamy followed soon after still giving her that cryptic look before he offered her a hand.     
“Shall we?” 

She’s held his hand for eleven years. She would hold it as long as he would allow it.

*

Their programs that year were not the best. Scratch that she was choking on tears of disappointment while smiling widely to the press. It wasn’t the choreography, it was them. Her actually. She limited their training to the point where they could do only parts of the program and the first real run through was at _Natonals._

Her legs were useless and the connection they were so proud of was non-existent. Gone.

You wouldn't know it from kiss and cry or interviews though.

When they completed their free dance at Nationals he gave her the biggest hug and whispered how proud he was of her. He was tactile, waiting for her and touching her back and brushing her ear with his lips so the camera wouldn’t catch when he asked if she was okay.

They were perfectly fine and be was so attentive in the eye of the press.

The perfect partnership.

The very fact sometimes made her laugh hysterically.

Bellamy and her didn’t speak to each other almost at all. She watched him fool around with Echo and they discussed their programs but that was it. On ice they were fine, talking and goofing around and it was almost the same as it used to be but the second they stepped outside – it was silence.

As if they were strangers.

It got so bad at some point that Rhonda got them a _an_ _acting coach._

 _Go eat together._ She said.

 _You need to be seen together so the public and the judges stay with you_ she insisted.

 _You will never win behaving like you don't know each other away from the ice_. She deadpanned.

And she was so right Clarke despised her. Because on ice it didn't matter that they slept together or that she stupidly fell in love with her skating partner. It didn't matter anywhere. Her stupid _love_ was cured by two months of silence.

Now she was committed by what it was supposed to be since the beginning. Business partnership to get gold.

So she got out and ate with Bellamy, making small talk, acting as if they weren't strangers. She isolated herself from Finn looking at her with pity and honestly looking ready to pounce to comfort her, and Glass that looked at her like she was the most pathetic person she has ever seen. She felt resentful and lonely and there were fucking stares whenever she couldn't do a step sequence.

And Bellamy. Fucking Bellamy not talking to her, getting mad when they, _she,_ screwed something up and trying not to show it. Bellamy who she walked into making out with Echo at the same banquet when he wouldn’t give her a single look after official pictures. She was sad and then she was furious. And then all she felt was just numbness. And that's the moment when she was very grateful about acting lessons.

She looked at Bellamy like he was her whole world and there was nothing in her. When she wasn't training or getting physio she was just staying in bed, staring at walls.

That's when Roan stepped into her life again.

*

Roan was someone they  met on few occasions over the years, he worked with the federation and sometimes gave tips to her and Bellamy what to do with themselves to not piss off the officials. They worshipped him a little.

He also used to skate pairs competitively with his wife, Ontari before they retired.

While Clarke quite liked him, they never really talked privately, there was always Bellamy next to her. Not this time though.

One day he came over to talk Olympics and whether she would be able to compete because there were rumours that Bellamy was looking for a new partner and the officials were worrying.

Bellamy got mad and reaffirmed that they were together and they were going for gold. Then Roan asked if she knew that because she looked like the world has ended.

Her partner kept talking but she watched Roan. When he asked her for a private chat, she agreed in a heartbeat.

“Clarke, are you okay?” he asked the frown on his forehead deepening and she gave him her rehearsed media smile.

“We’re perfectly fine. I’m perfectly fine”

“I’m not a reporter, Clarke. I’ve known you for years and believe me I can tell that something happened” his hand landed on her shoulder and she looked up at him shyly not answering.

“Okay, if you feel like talking just give me a call, you seem like you need it” he smiled at her warmly and squeezed her shoulder before leaving her standing in the hall thinking about his offer.

When she got back on ice Bellamy became the centre of her world once again training and perfecting their technic. He asked what did Roan want and she just shrugged. It wasn’t important. Not to him.

Later that night she was laying in bed with her fingers hovering over her phone trying to figure what to write. If she should write at all. Finally she slowly exhaled and typed out

_Still want to talk?_

_Want me to come over?_

_No. Coffee?_

_Sure. I’ll pick you up._

The coffee was nice, they talked and he was supportive. She spoke a little about what happened missing out on the whole thing with her falling for Bellamy and sleeping with him. It’s not like it was secret, officially it was but she knew about four different gossips about what the hell had happened and some of them talked about them fucking.

Surprisingly Roan didn’t care about Bellamy. He cared about her and what she felt. All she heard from her coach and the federation was how she was not good enough. It helped to hear from someone in power that she was good.

And she wasn’t stupid. He was touching her hand, her face. Texting and calling. Making sure she ate and got out of bed on the harder days. He talked how his marriage was basically over.

When he invited her to his apartment, she wasn’t surprised when he kissed her. Pulled her dress down. She wasn’t good enough for Bellamy and Rhonda but she was good enough for him. She rode him on the coach not caring about the bed and it felt good.

He didn't cure the numbness in her.

He was married.

He didn't care as he fucked her so hard she was shaking.

*

Sometimes she wondered if Bellamy knew. Her mother certainly knew and she turned a blind eye. Federation knew and they threatened over and over to throw her out of the National team.

She wasn't sure exactly why she was so stubborn about it but Roan fucked the anger out of her and as far as she was concerned it made her a better skater so the federation could go fuck itself. Bellamy heard one of these little talks she got from the officials and he hadn’t said a work about it. Not then and not after.

*

That year they had a sweet little exhibition program. About high school sweethearts with a lift that was basically a hug with their foreheads pressed together, sweet and loving. It was one of many things she felt nauseous about. Which was worse lately, she didn't feel good enough to take the ice anymore. More often than not she thought it would be better if Bell actually chose someone over her. And that made her sick before almost every competition. Sometimes during practices.

Roan looked at her when she told him that , when they were still panting and she couldn't stop herself because for a short moment she felt something.

Even if it was pain.

“Clarke you had surgery on your legs and you win comps anyway. You are the best skater for that asshole that there is and he's lucky to have you” he said seriously before turning her on her stomach and fucking her so hard she almost cried.

There was a thing about Roan and his wife.

Roan told Clarke they were about to get divorced. That’s what he said. And she just didn’t care to find out more.

Suddenly media turned on  her.

She was the homewrecker.

The news said there were rumours and indirectly calling Clarke a slut. She pretended that it didn't faze her and Roan kept saying how she made him better while telling her that she didn't deserve Bellamy treating her like that.

She might not be in love with him thought she was special. He was a lot older and he didn't want anyone around him or his wife but her. Media tore her apart and Roan wasn’t there for her because he was doing damage control at the federation and with his wife.

But then it was tour season in May and suddenly both Roan and _Ontari_ did Stars on Ice along Bellamy  and her.

Ontari was glaring at Clarke the entire time because she was sleeping with her husband. Clarke thought bitterly that scandal finally overshadowed Bellamy abandoning her - figure skating world couldn’t keep their mouth shut.

Both Roan and his wife refused to drive in the same bus as her so she was left with only Bellamy for company. Well Bellamy and Evan and the rest of the cast but since she was antisocial hermit, it’s not like she was friends with any of them. 

Evan was cool though. He was the prodigy of male skating winning plenty national titles. When Bellamy disappeared to screw Echo in his room, Evan talked to her and even brought her to the group gatherings with other single skaters Jasper and Zoe and the dance couple of Harper and Miller.

Miller. She hadn't seen Nathan except briefly during the competitions since she moved from Vera. It was awkward at first when they saw each other after literal years but it got better. And the whole thing was nice. Getting included. She didn’t realized how badly she isolated herself before.

They even invited her to karaoke and she hated every second of it but was still grateful. Besides the look on Bell’s face when she joined them was worth it.

And Bellamy and her were better than ever - flirty and cozy on ice, earning glares from Echo and raised eyebrows from Roan. Perfect strangers outside of it just like they were during the whole competition season. As long as they put their faces close and pretended to be in love on ice their fans were delighted and judges would take notice - that’s what mattered.

It wasn't just the performing nights too. The moment they had their skates on - they were the centre of each other’s world. Pulling and longing. Loving. Somehow she felt like they invented new kind of torture for themselves. Or maybe it was only her.

During the last week of the tour her legs started seriously hurting again. Everything was so wrong, her friendship with her partner was gone, and she felt like she didn't deserve the punishment she has gotten from him. And she was so set on proving that she could match him in skating after she got cut open for their career. She never considered her legs failing her again.

Roan came to her room but she told him to kindly screw himself or his wife that day. If the fed found out before the season started it might interfere with the Olympics and she did not have energy to pretend everything was fine. Glad that Harper was out, Clarke took her ice packs and put them on her shins before texting her partner.

_Come over, we need to talk._

He was there in ten minutes and looked like all the blood drained off his face when he saw her icing her legs.

“Clarke” he spoke hoarsely, clearly worried.

“Close the door” she said calmly.

He did as she asked and sat down on a twin bed usually occupied by Harper.

Clarke chewed on her words for a moment because she really didn’t want to say it. But she owed it to him. Despite everything.

“They’re hurting again. I’m ready to go another year, I managed that with Umbrellas. But if you want out to skate with someone else at the Olympics I understand” her voice sounded resigned, almost detached as if it was a recording and not her real words. She was looking in his general direction but didn’t focus on him.

She was too afraid to see relief about her letting him go.

“Clarke, look at me” he commanded and she reluctantly obeyed staring straight into his brown eyes which looked honestly bewildered. “I’m not going to the Olympics with anyone but you. Hell, I’m not going to any other competition without you. You’re the only partner I want to have” it was everything she wanted to hear, really but she didn't believe one word of it.

“You don’t have to lie” she whispered. Suddenly after months of feeling nothing it got to be too much.

“I’m not”

“I know about the trials Bell”

“Those weren’t trials.” Clarke looked up scowling “Or at least not for me. I just wanted to train to be the best partner for you after you get back. They thought you wouldn’t be back but I knew that you could do it and you did. I’m with you Clarke. The question is, do you want to go for gold?”

“Of course I do” she snapped. And he smiled at her brightly and it hurt her in all new ways because they were so not okay, she couldn’t do it. “We need help.”

“Yeah, of course, your legs.”

“Obviously but I didn't mean that. We need to talk Bellamy and I don’t think we can do that on our own.”

“What do you mean?”

“Therapy”

She could almost see his pride trying to jump out, to tell her that they could do this on their own that no one would understand. But Bellamy was smart. They hadn’t really talked like that for almost a year. That was the first time they spoke about his try outs. They couldn’t be trusted and they both knew it.

“Everything for that gold” he smiled at her and she reached out to take his hand and squeeze lightly. This time it almost didn’t hurt.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "good thing the Olympics one will be quite short;)" just assume I'm always lying.  
> Anyway, here we are. Finally, the end.  
> I'm glad I got to write this story, thank you for reading :)  
> * I have no idea how therapy works, just assume it's a crappy therapist.  
> * watch vm Mahler from the olympics in 2010 it's magical. And the flamenco. It's amazing.  
> Spoilers:  
> * the ending was changed and I apologize if it seems rushed but while I'd like to write about 8 more years of their lives, I won't have time to write for a long time. That's the same reason that I didn't mention Raven because I had a plan for her but it just didn't make the cut. And I wanted everyone to have a nice closure. Both Bellarke and my readers.  
> That's it from me, enjoy ;)

_ 8 months till the Olympics _

They were sitting on the comfortable sofa not really keeping distance from each other but not touching. The room was all in  beiges and whites, delicate colours meant to sooth patients.

In front of them in the chair sat the therapist Rhonda recommended them. Anna.

“How have you been?” she asked gently, she reminded Clarke of Vera a little bit but she couldn’t put a finger on why.

“Fine” she shrugged.

“We’re not fine.” hissed Bellamy and immediately inhaled to try to calm himself a little. he’s been doing that a lot lately. Just trying to keep himself in check.

Therapy was her idea but to be honest she wasn’t sure between the two of them which one hated these sessions more. It was supposed to be good to them, yes. But they were both too proud and too stubborn to open up to a stranger and that was the point of the whole thing.

They’ve been here twice a week for a month now and they didn’t even touch the whole set of their issues. They talked about everything else. They weren’t exactly fine as she said but they were better.

They called each other and texted sometimes outside of the ice.

Baby steps.

“Did something happen?”

“She doesn’t let me help. We told you her legs are acting up, I’m her partner, I’m supposed to be helping her” Clarke knew that he wasn’t necessarily mad at her, the situation was too much to her as well.

Bellamy was livid today though.

“I have help outside of the rink and we’re fine” she snapped.

“What help huh?”

She was quiet for a moment glaring at him.

They had two solo sessions so their therapist could assess them and Clarke spilled a little about her involvement with Roan. She never spoke about him to Bellamy though. Especially since he wasn’t supposed to be in the picture anymore but turned out that she did need someone as much as she hated to admit it. Bellamy was not the right person for that. Even if it pissed him off.

And Roan and Ontari got divorced. That helped her decision.

“Roan visits sometimes” she said through her teeth.

Bellamy frowned and Clarke looked at him confused. He couldn’t really be surprised, could he? Yes they were more careful but she wasn’t exactly hiding it from him or her family.

“I thought we were doing better” he said quietly.

“We are”

“So why are you still seeing him?”

Clarke’s eyes widened as she watched him at loss of words.

“You think I started seeing him to get back at you or something?” she huffed out.

“Didn’t you?”

They have never touched their huge pile of bullshit and misunderstandings. And they should have. Their therapist was not speaking and Clarke wondered was it curiosity or a tactic for them to open up. It was working.

“You abandoned me for two months after we’ve said our goodbyes before my surgery” she spat out. After they slept with each other but she wasn’t going to talk about that to anyone. “I find out that you have tryouts. Then we don’t even talk for months! On top of that I am in no way in shape to win the Olympics! So yeah, Roan happened because no one outside of our world could understand and you weren’t there but he didn’t happen because I wanted to stick it to you!”

This was the first time she said all of that out loud and the hurt look on his face almost made her regret it. Almost.

“I’m here for you now,” he said quietly with a sad expression.

Clarke took a deep breath so she wouldn’t yell at him. It wouldn’t be very productive.

“I can’t rely only on you for everything. What if you decide to leave again? Then the story repeats itself and I don’t want that.”

“Okay, hold on” Anna stopped them. Clarke wondered unkindly if she was so quiet so far because she was in shock. Normally  they didn’t talk as much during the session, especially not to each other.

“Clarke said that you abandoned her for months after the surgery?” her eyes were wondering from Clare to Bellamy and both of them were clenching their teeth. If they could had it their way, they would relieve these moments again. “Is that true?”

“I didn’t abandon her.” He hissed.

“Then why is she saying that you did? What made you think that, Clarke?”

“At that point I spent almost eleven years  with him. I was committed. When I went to have surgery so we could have a shot at the Olympics, he didn’t even call after. No text. Nothing. For two months.” She spoke calmly almost coldly. When she noticed that the woman wanted to speak she shook her head quickly and continued. “That already hurt. But figure skating is a small community. Gossips reached me that my partner not only didn’t give a damn about how I felt, he was also dropping me and looking for a new partner.”

“That’s not what happened, I told you I didn’t know these were the tryouts, you said you believed me!” he raised his voice again.

“Yes, Bellamy. I believed you months later. But when I was alone and not able to walk for a longer periods of time, there was no one to set the record straight. The only thing I got was gossips and Finn coming to confirm what was happening.”

“Son of a bitch “ he growled.

“Okay, let’s calm down. Bellamy, why didn’t you speak to Clarke during that difficult period?” Anna looked at them like they were some unexplained fascinating  phenomena and that didn’t sit well with either of them. But they came here to figure their stuff out.

“She didn’t either”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Clarke watched him get a little flustered, the frown on his forehead and the hand rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. His eyes closed for a second and his chest rose while he took a deeper breath.

“I don’t know okay. At first I just asked Marcus and he said it was fine and that he would text me when Clarke wakes up. I had to get back to training you know. Sitting out while she was injured would do neither of us any good. I needed to be able to support her and that meant perfecting everything on my end so I could help later. My girlfriend suddenly became a lot more attentive, we run hot and cold usually and I got distracted. By the time I realized that I should have at least texted Clarke it’s already been two weeks and it was awkward. And I didn’t really know what to say, hey I learned this new pattern that you’re missing out on?”

He was quiet for a second, thinking about his next words.

“Few weeks later I realized that Rhonda tried to find me someone new and I got so angry. All these girls, some of them offered me money to drop Clarke and I was so pissed off. Rhonda was never too nice about Clarke but she chose both of us to work with her. I didn’t want to skate with anyone but Clarke.”

“So what you’re saying is… you got distracted enough to not check up on your partner” there was no judgement in her voice just quiet observation.

“It wasn’t like that, I kept in touch with Marcus. He told me how it was going, hell, Clarke I literally came there for your first day back on ice. And the way you reacted to me. Like you didn’t even know me.”

“It felt like I didn’t.” She shrugged again. She wasn’t sure what she expected honestly. If something really bad happened she would have heard it before

“Clarke, did hearing that helped?”

“Sure.”

“You’re lying” murmured Bellamy. “I’ve known you most of my life, don’t lie to me.”

“Fine, it didn’t help. But we need to move on from this.”

Their therapist looked at them quietly for a moment, judging the situation before she put down her notes and leaned towards them slightly.

“Look, I realize that it wasn’t the whole story. But you need to forgive each other for what happened because holding a grudge will destroy your partnership. You should talk on your own. Listen to what each other has to say without interrupting”

“We know how to have a conversation with each other, we’ve known each other forever”  Bellamy protested weakly and Clarke snorted. Sure they knew, that’s why they were in therapy.

“As I was saying, no interruption. And what’s going to be even more difficult, no blame. You listen, you tell each other how you felt when things happened, the other person doesn’t invalidate your feelings. And you try to do better. I want to see you in a week after that conversation. Can you do that?”

Clarke looked at her partner dread settling in her stomach. She really didn’t want to do that.

They left the office few minutes later and he asked if she wanted him to come over today.

“I’m actually going to Roan’s tonight. Tomorrow?” she bit her lower lip and he sighed again.

“Whatever you want, Clarke”  his voice was different, tired. She didn’t want to dwell on the reason. Roan was waiting for her outside in the car so she just gave her partner a weak smile and almost skipped to escape the awkwardness.

Roan started the engine the second she closed the door. They didn’t kiss hello, it was too risky out in the open. Which was stupid considering everyone knew but she needed that benefit of the doubt with the press. Needed to rebuild her innocent flower image.

“Therapy doesn’t seem to be helping you two” he commented dryly.

“It is helping. Just not as fast as we would like”

“Clarke, you are the favourites coming to the Games. You two need to step it up starting  _ now _ . Marking the season before it even began. You’re smart, you know the Olympics’ judging doesn’t actually start with the compulsory, not in your field.”

“I know that, for God’s sake. We’re having a slumber party tomorrow to sort the rest of our shit out and make a game plan. Now can a federation official in you shut up so we can eat?” they glared at each other for a longer moment before he relented and nodded.

He let her into the apartment he had in the city, Clarke wasn’t sure if it was leased or his but she wouldn’t be surprised if he owned it, the man was too rich for his own good, it made him overconfident.  Overall it was nice, lacked a personal touch but he was probably only there for her benefit few times a week. It wasn’t surprising.

They ordered some Chinese and sat on the couch, her with her legs draped over his as he changed channels mindlessly and kept eye on the ice packs on her shins.  

“Slumber party?” he questioned smirking at her and she threw a pillow at him hitting him straight into that annoying face.

“I am going to drink a lot of wine during that conversation and I can guarantee we’ll pass out either from yelling or drinking too much, sue me.”

“That’s what your therapist is advising you? Get drunk while talking about the important relationship in your life?”

“It’s Bellamy. We know out parts in these Games” she shrugged her arms and moved so her body was just next to his, her nose nuzzling just under his jaw. She heard more than felt the ice packs falling down on the floor. “Now, you can keep being annoying” her hand found a way to his abs and then his belt buckle “Or you can shut up and we can spend a nice evening together.” she slipped her hand into his pants and grabbed his cock, touching him through his underwear.

“It’s serious” he grabbed her hand and looked at her with steely eyes.

She got angry.

“You’re not my goddamn keeper, Roan.” She hissed  “I don’t fuck you because you’re good with the fed. If you do that just so you can keep your eye on Bellamy and me then I assure you, we know what we’re doing and you can stop visiting me.”

Roan only snorted still keeping her wrist in a tight hold. “Trust me, sweetheart, the last thing I think about is work when I’m with you.”

“Doesn’t seem like it. Now do you want to shut up and let me suck your cock or do you want to talk about Bellamy some more?” she was glaring at him and despite his initial reluctance felt him growing harder against her fingers. 

He rolled her eyes at her but his hand moved to her head, fingers tangling into her curls, pulling low moan out of her as he tugged slightly before pushing her head down steadily. She pulled his cock out and gave it a slow suck, going deeper, feeling his hot length against her mouth, her tongue licking the underside. He pushed her hand lower and she got to work. His other hand moved to her leggings and panties, touching her clit feather light then going harder rubbing her little nub while she moaned around his cock.

He came down her throat in few minutes and then doubled his efforts to get her off making her fall off the edge with a loud moan, Bell and ice dancing forgotten.

*

Sometimes she loved Rhonda.

Next day they got to training ready to be yelled at for five hours straight as they trained and instead of going to the ice, she invited them to her office. And there she granted them Mahler.

Once upon a time there were pair skaters choreographed by Rhonda. They fell  in love while competing and got married. They won the Olympics. They were so happy. Then one day  the man died, just like that. The woman was devastated. And after some time she skated to Mahler’s Symphony as a tribute to her best friend. Her lover. Her husband.

And Rhonda gave it to them on their Olympic year.

Both Clarke and Bellamy looked a little starry eyed as they watched the woman perform as a single skater. She was beautiful and seemed to be missing something. Her other half, her heart. Clarke felt tears in her eyes but blinked them away.

“Now, you two have to make me proud, I don’t even want to know what happened between you but when I saw you all these years ago I knew that you would be able to embody the emotions necessary for this. For Mahler to be complete”

Clarke felt that she was opening and closing her mouth. Trying to say something, anything. She came up empty though. Rhonda looked at them like they were everything she had ever hoped for and it was both amazing and encouraging and daunting because she was giving them that great gift and they needed to do it justice.

After that she kicked them out on the ice to practice their pattern dances with a promise that the next week they were going to start getting Mahler ready.

Five hours of seductive gazes, sore everything from perfect posture and deep edges of the tango as well as figuring out their original dance lifts left them exhausted. Bellamy drove them to her place and she told him to make himself at home before going to pick up ice packs and wine from the fridge. They shouldn’t drink during the competition season but they had one free day, it was fine. Bellamy grabbed two glasses and followed her to her living room.

Clarke sat down on her coach, laying out her legs and keeping the ice packs on her aching shins while she watched her partner open the wine and pour it to two glasses, giving her one.

“Thanks”

He looked a little lost for a moment, the frown appearing on his forehead and his eyes flicking to her coach that was occupied mostly by her legs. A year ago he would just hold her feet up and put them on his lap but that kind of familiarity hasn’t been there for a while. Resign he moved to the armchair, putting some distance between them.

“So we… I haven’t been entirely truthful during the therapy” started Bellamy smiling weakly and rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yeah, no fucking kidding” she took a swing of her wine, ready for the whole  _ we slept together and I regret everything  _ speech.

“Clarke, I want to explain, let me” he looked at her earnestly and Clarke felt herself soften a little, she really wanted all of it to work out.

“Go on” she  said and braced herself, her hands clasped over the glass.

“I didn’t lie during therapy and god, Clarke, I am so sorry, of course I could have called or texted, do anything. But I was training for both of us, to make it easier. The part with Echo was also true, she was suddenly the perfect girlfriend and I got a bit swept up in everything. These things took a lot of my time but then I had a bit of a harder time with O. She met … umm” he stopped for a moment to shake his head and Clarke raised her eyebrows at his hesitation. “she’s been doing singles, yeah, it’s her first year as senior and she met Lincoln Wood during one of the comps. And they sort of hit it off and I guess he was impressed with her? Anyway, he got his coach Anya to watch her skate and all of the sudden Octavia is moving across the goddamn country and she was going to be training next to a man three years her senior while she’s only seventeen. I didn’t take that well.”

He drank his wine and was silent for a moment.

“We were fighting a lot, I said a lot of stuff that he was going to use her and that these kind of community allows that way to easily” he avoided her eyes perfectly and she felt anger coiling inside her because he had a lot of nerve talking about it after their fight about Roan the day before.

“She didn’t like it. Marcus swore than Lincoln was a good guy and Anya had no patience for sexual predators  that Octavia would be safe. But I tried to persuade her to stay with her current coach for months whenever I had a free moment. I told the truth when I said I was distracted and it’s no excuse, I know that.  I just… I didn’t know what to say to you Clarke. Everyone kept saying bullshit that you would never skate again and I knew that you would come back. I didn’t think how it would feel on your end and that’s on me.”

Bellamy looked up at her again that weak nervous smile plastered on his face as he waited for her to answer to his confession.

Clarke was quiet. She wasn’t exactly sure what response was appropriate in this situation.

“Did you want to drop me? While you were waiting and training with others?” her voice was barely louder that a whisper but the silence around them was deafening enough that he heard her perfectly.

“No. You’re the only partner I want.” He assured quickly and she nodded thinking about her next question for a second, wondering if she even wanted to know the answer.

“Why do you have a problem with Roan now? You didn’t give a damn all these months”

His fingers dug into the arm of the chair at the mention of Roan, her question was pretty clear.  _ Why did you care about Octavia with someone barely older and not about me getting called a slut? _

“You didn’t  talk to me, Clarke” he wasn’t looking at her, his eyes focused on the floor and his voice was wavering a little. “And I didn’t know what to say to you and I said to myself that maybe I was making things up because we were fine on ice. And Roan happened and you were a little better. Less dead eyed. I didn’t realize you two were involved for a long time, I think it was a week before media picked it up. Trust me, I was furious that I let that happen. But you got that energy in you, even if it was anger when you decided that you didn’t give a damn about everyone else. I convinced myself that it was good for you.” His brown eyes looked up and they were a little shiny as if he was trying not to cry. “It shouldn’t have happened, Clarke but you’re right. I wasn’t there to stop it.”

Her stomach was turning and she felt hot and  then cold, emotions running through her at the highest speed. His confession didn’t change anything, not really. But there was nowhere to go from here. She knew he loved his sister and she believed that it took most of his attention. It was time for the last step.

“Okay, I guess we’re okay.” She said and his eyes lit up.

“You forgive me?”

“Yeah. Do you want to talk about something else?”

“Just one thing, why didn’t you speak to me after you came back? Why didn’t you confront me if you thought I was dropping you?”  _ How could you think that _ was hidden there but Clarke wasn’t going to address it.

“I was afraid to hear it from you. So I chose not to hear it at all.” She shrugged and she was suddenly startled by Bellamy coming over and crouching in front of her, their careful distance gone.

“I am never skating with anyone else, you hear me?” his face radiated honesty and it made her feel warm inside, the feeling she thought would never come back ever again when she was in close proximity to Bellamy, she stopped clutching her wine glass and moved one hand to clasp it with his. His hand was so much bigger than hers and so different with his darker tone against her very pale skin. Somehow she had a feeling it was the perfect fit.

*

_ 4 months till the Olympics _

Bellamy and her were so much better Clarke could cry. They still weren’t spending tones of time together after the training but they never really did. She felt closer to him though. They were handsy and smiled at each other and he was still moody and she wasn’t too pleasant before she had her coffee. Yes, they haven’t talked about that night but it didn’t feel like they had to. Everything was normal and it was amazing.

And because it was the part of life that was good, Clarke’s legs got significantly worse. Rhonda talked to the officials and as  _ future ice dance Olympic Champions _ they got the funding so she could get professional physiotherapist to help her few times a week and after every competition that season. Sha has never been so grateful to Rhonda as she was then.

Physiotherapy didn’t stop her legs from cramping up when they practiced too long though. A week before Skate Canada, their first competition of the season her legs hurt so badly she felt tears streaming down her face when she got off the ice. What's worse Glass was walking towards her and looked at Clarke's legs barely supporting her.

“Are you okay?” she frowned and made a gesture to help perhaps. But before she could do anything Clarke hissed:

“I'm fine, leave me alone”

“We don't need you, go and skate” Clarke heard behind her and  turned to see Bellamy taking her by the waist and taking most of her weight off her legs before walking out.

“You can let me go” she choked out, it wasn’t her proudest moment but tears just wouldn’t stop. And it was just Bellamy.

“Yeah. Not happening.”

They came to the locker room and he sat her down on the bench, propping her legs up before taking the emergency ice packs and handing it to her.

They talked for a bit, about skating and the therapy that turned out to be so good them. Even if it felt like relearning how to walk for Clarke. Long and tedious and sometimes with worse days, they managed to learn how to talk to each other again.

She started feeling better mentally. To be honest it was something she hated herself a little, that he was the reason for her downward spiral. She swore that it would never happen again.

It was easier said than done. During the free dance warm up, a lot of people decided to skate into them. Well Clarke wasn’t convinced it was entirely intentional, Bellamy disagreed if the clench of his jaw and protective arm around her were any indication.

“You okay?” he whispered into her ear, brushing her hair off her face.

“Fine” she smiled at him sweetly and it was only partly because of the cameras.

They played it a little over the top in warm ups and kiss and cry, they acted like they were actually in love and Clarke was a little concerned with how easy it was. How good it felt. She fought the feeling with everything she had though, she would not go down that road. Not again.

*

_ One month till the Olympics _

Even though she suspected no one intentionally tried to kill them in their first competition, by Nationals she changed her mind. Bellamy had to forcefully pull her away because all of the sudden two people were speeding at her. She cursed under her breath and he laughed lowly murmuring that she was ruining her innocent maiden act. She wanted to throw him a dirty look but he was right. There were being watched. So instead she put her forehead to his chest for a moment and felt him drop a quick kiss on the top of her head. If she felt something at the show of affection she chose to ignore it.

Clarke could almost hear the camera wheeling in to catch the moment. It was good.

*

_ The Olympics     _

One of the best moments for both of them was watching the Olympic fire in their home country. They were sitting among thousands and thousands of people, their country’s team with them. Miller was cheering loudly pulling Harper on his shoulder so she would see anything, Evan and Bellamy and Echo were shouting and the second the flame lit up Clarke could swear a small tear on her partner’s face. It made her heart ache a little to see how much he loved their country.

Octavia was probably somewhere else in the stands since she hadn’t qualified for the Olympics. Jasper was lamenting a little about her absence but soon was two swept up by the Olympic fire  _ in their country.  _ Everyone was emotional.

It was also freezing so as soon as they could all of them left for the Olympic village. Clarke and Harper were roommates again and so were Miller and Bellamy so they bid goodnight and went to their very generic rooms. They were giggling for a while talking about the flame and federation insistence that they had to do  additional video pieces so the public knew exactly who they were watching.

By the time they were calmer and they only sound in the room was their breathing.

“How do you feel before tomorrow” Harper asked quietly.

“Good. I am so ready to never hear Tango Romantica again in my life.” Clarke murmured sinking harder into her pillow.

Harper snorted. “Yeah, me too. I meant… You’re going for the gold. How’s that?”

Clarke reluctantly opened her eyes and stared straight at Harper. “You tell me, if you’re not going there to win then you’re doing it wrong and should reconsider your career.”

“That was a bitch-y thing to say” the girl pouted but there was mischief in her eyes “I thought you were too sweet and innocent for that”

“I am not talking to you anymore” deadpanned Clarke.

“Okay, one more question, is something going on between you and Bellamy? You’ve been awfully close this year”

Clarke counted to ten before she answered and then took the sweetest tone she could manage because she might have liked Harper a lot but she also heard that question about five times this month.

“No, we’re just friends” surprisingly she was met with a loud laugh.

“Did you just use your media voice on me?” she was giggling so hard Clarke groaned into her pillow.

“Go to sleep”

*

They were second in the compulsory and even though she was barely standing from the pain in her shins she felt like murdering someone. They deserved to be the first and they weren’t the only one who thought so. Just behind the Russians. And then Finn and Glass were close in third.

The lead was regained after the original dance. Clarke remembered watching the Olympics four years ago and being jealous of the feeling the couples must have. She was under too much stress to focus on anything but the dance during their first skate. But the Flamenco?

Their original dance that raised the whole audience to its feet and made them clap along. It was almost as if she could breathe the energy in the building, the energy that she and Bellamy generated. They were so good, he was grabbing her passionately, their moved perfectly on the music, sharp and beautiful and she used to have such a problem with conjuring passion in the dance but looking at the man in front of her she had no problem to show how much she wanted this and him.

They got such a big score in the Kiss and Cry they both jumped to their feet and Clarke was about to wave to the cameras, to their country but Bellamy yelled some more and hugged  her tightly, squeezing the breath out of her, his hand pounding against her back and slipping to her ass for a second before remembering that they were being recorded. She loved that idiot.

Then there was time for a free dance.

„Let’s make it count” Bellamy whispered into Clarke’s carefully pinned hair as they skated slowly towards the middle of the arena and waited for their name to be announced.

She was smiling and gazing at him lovingly with big blue eyes. Clarke could feel the love  radiating off him. At each other, at the audience - drawing all these people into their seemingly private moment.

They took their positions and when the soft tones of the piano started – they made everyone fall in love with them and their love.

*

Clarke used to say the final skate at the Olympics would be memory she would carry with her forever. The happiest moment in her life. It was really funny now, because she didn’t remember a thing from their free.

She remembered that Bellamy made a mistake and led her to the other side for the final pose and then staring at him smiling and wide eyed because what if that small mistake cost them  _ their Olympic Gold. _

But it didn't.

They got a huge score. “I think we've won the Olympics!” she squealed when Bellamy hugged her tightly after the announcement of their scores. She was so goddamn happy and she was both sobbing and laughing. But there was one more skate left.  The Russians.

Suddenly her happiness disappeared and the nerves settled in. She kept stepping from one foot to another as Bellamy was standing next to her with his jaw set. They were mostly certain they have won. Mostly. The journalist was talking to them and they answered something but they were so distracted.

The Russian finished and left the ice. Every second seemed to stretch as they went to the Kiss and Cry.

Clarke wondered did it always take so long for the scores to be announced.

Then the results finally came in and the audience got  _ so loud.  _ Clarke couldn't hear anything so she looked at Bellamy and he had solemn expression on his face.

“We're second”

“What” she felt the blood draining from her face and her stomach turning.

“Kidding, we won!” he was laughing loudly and then embracing her.  They have just won gold in their own country.

They were bursting with happiness and  both almost cried standing on top of the podium at their first Olympics. This was something they have been working for their whole lives and they made it.

She looked up at Bell and smiled at her best friend. Her partner. He was gripping her waist when she got her medal and she almost cried again when she saw Bellamy getting his because he worked  _ so hard  _  and she was so proud of him. Finn and Glass had fake smiles plastered on their faces standing with silver around their necks and Russians with the bronze.

When they stepped down there was so many people that wanted to talk to them, to congratulate them. Wells swept her off her feet and she saw Octavia almost jumping on Bellamy with a smile splitting on her face. In the background Marcus Kane was unashamedly crying while looking at them and she choked out another sob. That was the person that made it possible. She left Miller with a promise of getting drinks soon now that they could do such mundane things as drink whenever they wanted

“Marcus”

Her old mentor didn’t look capable of speech so she just walked into his embrace.

“I knew you would be great” he said. “Abby and Jake are busy with the media, they’re gonna be here soon”

“Thank you so much, Marcus. For him.” He just smiled at her and ruffled her perfectly done  hair.

“Go rest, kid.”

“Could you tell him to come to meet me later?” she stole a glance at Bellamy who was busy with Echo, their friends and Octavia. She would love to join but she was barely standing.

“Yeah, go.”

Clarke got a ride with her parents and promised to see them later after she got her physio and saw Bellamy. Abby seemed a little hurt but Jake reminded her that they weren’t the ones on the ice with their daughter. She was so grateful they understood.

Her treatment took less time than usual since she didn’t have to be competition ready the next day so she sat on her bed eyeing her medal and thinking about a nap until her door opened and the only person she wanted to see walked in.

A grin appeared on her face.

“Hi”

Bellamy walked inside with such a radiant smile it was giving her butterflies in her stomach. He looked so good in top competition shape  with his hair being a mess and brown eyes sparkling with happiness and satisfaction.

“Hi” he answered and walked to her quickly sweeping her up from her bed to hug her again. But this time they didn’t have to stop after few seconds, there were no people to talk to and no journalists to answer.

No cameras.

He was holding her so tight she had trouble breathing and he smelled like soap and was warm and she felt rumbling of his chest because he was laughing that’s how happy he was. It was perfect.

“We did it, Princess” he laughed against her neck, hot breath hitting her skin.

She pulled away and looked into his eyes, resting her forehead against his, their noses almost touching.

“We did it” she said and they were so close it was almost painful. She felt high on happiness, like she could have everything.

“I was so glad, it was you. I never wanted this with anyone else. We were meant to meet each other”

Clarke laughed a little again, her hands were roped around his neck and his were around her waist pulling her closer. Too close. She looked up at him a little confused, smile never leaving her lips.

“I didn’t think I would ever care about anyone that much as I care about O, you know” he moved his head closer, his nose brushing against hers and she could feel his breath on her lips along with the rise and falls of his chest. She thought she could feel his heart pounding.

“I love you” he murmured.

“I love you, too” she said out of reflex. The words weren’t exactly new to them, of course they loved each other - they spent most of their lives together.

He pulled away but just enough so they eyes would have met and he was no longer radiating uncontrollable happiness instead there was gentleness there and something hopeful. Confusion clouded her mind for a second and she must have lost focus because one of his hands moved up to trace his knuckles gently over her cheek.

“I think I’m in love with you” he smiled at her and it was everything she wanted to hear for years but it wasn’t right.

“You’re with Echo.” She said simply.

“I’m not, we broke up some time ago. God, I know I’ve been a dick but you make me so happy and I want you to be happy and we are so good together, Clarke.” He cupped both her cheeks in his hands and continued speaking. “I knew there was something between us that night before we left but I was too stupid and too stubborn to do something about it. I love you, I want you but I don’t really expect anything. I just think you should know”

She should say no. It was such a bad idea but she was tired of ignoring her feelings for him and she believed him. There was something between them, they were meant to be. She didn’t care if giving in made her weak anymore.

“You know I love you” she said simply and Bellamy seemed to wait for the following sentence but she didn’t have anything left to say so she just  pulled him down to her and kissed him.

They could figure out the rest later.

_ The end. _

  
  



End file.
